Updates (March 18, 2024)

Life: Socializing after 1 year – For the past year, I have been socializing and trying to understand the depths of life. I am old now and see beyond the young adults and immature people. There is a lot of depth to people sometimes. There is no reigning culture at 40. By 40, you should have been bothered by the shallow mainstream media enough, and all that you have now is trying to find time for yourself here in Canada to learn and grow and catch “good feelings”. The real goal as an individual is to become educated and unique here in Canada. People have to grow and move past group thinking and self-centered egotistical living. It is time to find time for yourself to grow and enjoy real depth of living for yourself without people bothering you.

Programming: After explaining myself and my goals, I can move on – All there is to life doing programming was to keep being busy doing it, keep programming. After I talked about everything I wanted and expelled all the frustration in me, I grew to a point where I am just doing ‘programming’. I am currently sitting in my room programming. After you have said everything you needed to say, then all that is left is to do your passion in life. You needed to say everything you wanted at the highest level in life. Programming for me is a goal I wanted to live highest as possible. Now I am doing it. The things associated and comes from with studying and working like the social aspects and goals don’t matter, you are supposed to build, develop and code stuff most of your day. You are supposed to reach higher and higher complexity and keep building.

Life: Being old and educated – This is the final straw in life at 40 years old and beyond. You got to live educated and build and build. The young immature adults who live life by the mainstream media who judge you, finally give up and may change to live a hard working educated life to match yours when they see you educated, adjusted and well. I knew this when I was young. When my face changed to look older, people just stop treating you like a punk. You can not live a life that is lost in the mainstream media. Your life must have meaning and actual work and “your creation”. I knew this when I was young and in the back of my mind I was always learning. The mainstream media and its’ message is just to live life idly. Can not do that if you are colored. I get treated so well now as a middle-aged person. I don’t dress like a punk. I guess live is to learn and grow old.

Life: People don’t actually change – When you are young, you expect old people to share their old age wise wisdom. But the reality is that old people are actually young people in aging bodies. Old people just have lots of experiences in work and life and can act young and foolish if they want. Anyways, it is still best to act your age and be wise and grow wisdom.

Culture: What are you at your Vietnamese baseline – To connect with other Vietnamese you have to act like your Vietnamese baseline. The Vietnamese that receive you are the ones that think positive of your baseline. There are quite of few Vietnamese I have met that just look at everything I do negatively. I got to not contact them or socialize with them.

Health: Losing weight and being masculine – After finishing school and having the stress go, I have changed. I lost some weight and became more masculine. I also became more competitive. I got to get used to this feeling. When I was in school for the last 20+ years, I was not worried about anything but learning and reading. Now I got to accept the good, bad and ugly of being thinner and more masculine while trying to work and learn what I want and need to do. The hard part is over. Now I need to slowly adjust to being my thin self in public and managing all the new feelings of being thin. This is the new normal.

Health: Trying to be healthy – It is all about feeling good. To feel good for me is to be intelligent and learn more and more about programming which in turns allows you to learn about people and the world. Yes, math is everything. Programming is a math. The more I program and become “less emotional”, the better my life becomes. People in public see this too. They stop judging you and stop labelling you badly because you have control over your life using high logic, high independence, uniquely opinionated, taking care of yourself without bothering people. You live in your own world which send a message to anyone looking that they should live independently with education and skills. You then judge people fairly based on their “lack of logic” reasoning and their lack of drive to be independent and free and healthy. People need math and programming to create their own life.

Life: I don’t like to go out no more really – The people you meet outside in public are so focused on their ego and controlling other people’s views. Living real is living for yourself and building unique creations that gives different perspectives of how to do things.

Life: At 40 it is all about spending time alone learning – You aren’t suppose to associate with the immature crowd no more.

Life: How to make a stress-free and stable life? – I need more education and professional things.

Culture: My life is OK here in Canada? – According to “other people”, my life is pretty OK. But I don’t see “the goodness” in my life. Ughhh… I think some people want my life. I am always searching for a better more stable life in the back of my mind. Now that I have education and skills that is pretty high, I do see my life a bit better. I have to share my life. When I compare my life with other Vietnamese here in Canada, I am very, very lucky. I am grateful. You have to think in Vietnamese wavelength to feel stable. You can not move about really. Moving around doesn’t help your anxiety.

Life: What kind of life do I have here in Canada realistically? – I think I have to live in the fringes? This way I grow and mature and avoid the troubles.

Life: You can live a high life – After getting old looking, you can change to live a high life. Mature, cleans and smart.

Life: All you can do here in Canada is go for the extremes of education and skills as a Vietnamese – There is no point of living in other peoples cultures. At the end of the day, I am Vietnamese and must improve myself culturally and educationally. This is what happens when you get old. You must improve yourself and for your people.