I have been vegan for a while now and have been stable.
But I have been reluctant to create more stuff after doing what I wanted.
I feel unexcited to do more.
I am doing my passions but it is getting to a point where I am not feeling it any more.
Hmmm … I think I need to rest and reflect.
I think I am reaching a point where I am doing what I love. And I have been doing it for so long that now I don’t hate it but just do it. Bear it. Bear the stress of my work.
We all have a personality. We can or can not be so critical and analytical. We must be ourselves.
I think I need something different too now.
Found the solution … I ate some eggs and feel a bit better.
Being mostly vegan for the past two weeks has made me the way I was above I think.
I was doing not much. I was just able to do school work and pretty much nothing else.
Now I understand the vegan diet.
Eating meat made me angry and have ups and downs. I was doing more when I was eating meat.
I have gained weight … which isn’t good while eating vegetarian/vegan.
I will try eggs and milk and be vegetarian now I think.
I have always been trying to be mindful.
At my age, that is all I have.
I understand that I am older and must do things to change certain things about my living situation.
Being mindful has been helpful for my health and my study and work.
What else is there than to be mindful? If you don’t it is just plain misery.
I realize I am out of my comfort zone and now have this blog to explore a new lifestyle of a computer programmer to just think abstractly building software programs to fine-tune/tweak computers which is a really fun activity for me. ‘Tweaking’ computers doesn’t involve people, culture or race. It is pure objective bliss. Nothing else comes close to this fun.
To live a complete new lifestyle is challenging and is an out of body experience.
I am just a computer technician at my core and am now “growing old” wanting to think differently because I have some white hairs and wrinkles now. I look and feel old. I try to avoid thinking old and did computer programming to stop the old aging thinking processes.
Computer programming is a dream of mine to do too but I only like it 40%. Having 40% interest is good enough to do it I think. Any lower interest I would not bother.
I had only 30% interest in my biology and biochemistry degree so that is why I stopped doing it.
I can have more joy doing what I am doing right now which I crave.
Mental Health (Part 2)
It took me many years to reach my goals in life.
I know I am just a computer technician but I had this urge to do more.
I found the right teachers later in life to help me.
I had all this trouble before because I could not find the way to my goals.
I learned I must do the following to reach my goals.
- Keep thinking more and more abstractly as this will help in lower parts of your life (Learning computer programming helps in all aspects of life. Programming helps you to think logically in small manageable parts)
- You can live outside socially daily but the most singular growth that is not contained is working on the computer with zero obstacles
- You can look at philosophy and psychology for answers but the ultimate answer is having unlimited options (Kind of like creating a Windows Debloater with almost unlimited combination of tweaks)
- When you get ‘contained’ just work in the fields that don’t contain you. You don’t need people standing in your way.
You get to this realization from being not contained and working with your same type of people that match you. My people are Computer people and Vietnamese people. They helped me flourish otherwise I would have been stuck forever.
No one helped me reach my goals until I started finding the right people to work with.
Everything is solved by exercise.
I am done studying now basically.
During the pandemic, I gained a lot of weight. Now I trying to lose it all.
I never really focused on health until now. With lots of exercise, I feel content, stronger and not negative. I feel I can do more things.
That is why people do sports and the Westernized world is so sport focused.
Exercise is the key.
People who don’t exercise regularly maybe negative and set in their ways …
I must focus on exercise.
I lost many years of life thinking negative because I did not exercise regularly and vigorously.
At Your Worse
When I am not exercising enough, not eating right and am drinking coffee, I kind of stagnant and think negative.
I think you have to accept that part too.
When you are at your worse you show that negative side of you which is real. But that can change through action (work, talking to friends and exercise).
I had time to reflect in my life. I had time to think.
I was always trying to remove all my vices and become a better me.
I took the time to just be lazy, eat and drink coffee recently.
That turned bad.
If I did not do that I wouldn’t realize how bad it was and wouldn’t have a new perspective about life.
I realize life is to constantly move and do the things that matter to you and understand that stopping will be the death of you.
You have to: Increase awareness. Increase well being. Increase mindfulness.
The goal is to think of goals and ideas that are bigger than you that really matter to you. Think “abstractly”.
When I was young in grade 11, I wanted to do a lot of things. I spent a lot of time in front of the computer doing this and that.
Now in my late 30s, I realized that my time in my teens doing art, web design and Flash animations was not wasted.
Doing what I liked at the time I figured now was an outlet to self-express and grow my skill set. I just could not figure out programming at that time. I was not experienced enough. I was not socialized enough to do programming.
As you get older, life turns inward and you stop focusing so much on the external (physical). You spend most of your time alone thinking deep and try to grow mentally.
You figure out what you can do to live a healthy long life in Canada with minimal stress that you can enjoy while being considerate and helpful to others.
For me, learning programming and at last web development helped me express myself almost totally I think.
With the computer medium, you are able to engineer software and also show your creative side in web development.
The multiple layers of modern dynamic web development I found could be as layered as much as you are … There can be more layers??? You can create something on the web to reflect yourself. Reflect yourself internally.
With this amount of different ways of expression you can finally be seen and heard for all you are. You can develop new ways to explore and express yourself. How far can you go? With computers I think it is almost infinite.
I think that was my problem for all my life. I needed to learn everything I needed and wanted possible to express myself to be healthy.
Modern dynamic web development is what I learned to be the goal for me that I did not realize until now. It seems so large and almost endless.
Go along with it by learning it and create something. Creation can be anything and open. And I guess keep learning it.
I have issues. Well my issues are mine only I think …
Regardless, the issues I have faced are nothing in the big scope of things.
Nothing because if given the chance I should just work with my friends and do stuff I wanted when I was young not worrying about the superficial stuff in this world like race and culture and supposedly “grown up” things.
Basically to avoid all the “big polar negative personalities” you meet in the world, just work with your positive genuine friends.
I have this feeling and push to work in general public. I don’t think it is a good thing when I feel all negative about working in public and rather do stuff with my friends.
Why suffer working out in public then right? If given the chance would you even work outside or try your best just working with your friends regardless of how long it takes to make progress or profit?
In medicine here in Canada, it is based on Western interpretation of other peoples culture which is very negative at times and based on few century old stereotypes.
I am not treated well so I escape to my friends only. That makes sense I guess.
Also just doing what you like you will escape the competition of the 9-5 workplace. So if given the chance what would you do?
Again focusing on the good things about life is needed here.
Ego and Society
Everyone has a ego.
There is an ego to life to push forward. You just need enough of ego to push forward.
It is when ego is all that their is then that is the problem.
I learned to put most of my ego aside and do things to help and do things I want.
Currently (April 18, 2023), I develop software to help people customize and repair Windows computers.
I try to focus on the positive of teaching others my ways if they want to listen.
As a Vietnamese-Canadian, I am indebted to Canada for giving a place to stay and learn and make good friends.
I am not sure of anywhere else in on this planet where I can do what I want.
After telling people how I got to here, I realized it is now OK to talk just about mature activities.
I thought life was a mix of activities but realized people want to talk about and need to talk about mature activities.
This is especially true for people of color.
I guess I got to the point where I feel comfortable talking about mature things all the time to help myself feel comfortable and the people around me.
The only way I became healthy was to pursue mental tasks that involved my computer programming interests. It was so abstract that I never thought about any negativity.
What do sick people need to think and talk about to avoid illness and disease?
I haven’t heard a prescription for doing mental hard tasks that promote thinking abstractly to avoid sad thinking really.
Doing computer programming aided me in living a good life. I feel healthy and look better.
What are other people promoting?
I think you have to think higher and higher and learn and learn everyday to be healthy and well. If not, how else are you going to be healthy?
What is Healthy?
Almost 2 months since finishing school.
I look onto the older professors what they are doing with their time asides from being a prof.
They are playing games and online.
I guess you just do what makes you happy when you earned your school paper, your work history, your accomplishments.
I think I can take a break this year and work on things that make me healthy and happy.
I am looking to be more relaxed and happy doing immersed activities instead of just pure productivity.
The idea is to enjoy.
Maybe a little of trying to be free to be creative and wander.
Worrying about this and that. Worry about who? Worry about who you are disturbing?
It is mindboggling.
Especially true if you don’t have a job
More true if you don’t have a life of your own yet.
Crazy when it is racial and cultured.
At the end of the day. There is one opinion that matters really to judge everything.
My health both mental and physical got awry when I had to think not one way, not my way.
I am born in Canada and live the ‘Vietnamese’-Canadian way. There isn’t really anything else but this way.
I talked to many Vietnamese born in North America and found that we all think the same.
It is good to know there are other viewpoints and that you can learn from them but when everyone gets older there is only one voice.
And by using that voice carve my own way.
Also there has to be an opposing voice just like in real life.
Does things go just one way?
Will it go as planned if done this one way?
Everyone is different at there core aren’t they?
Is everyone just conforming?
If I just conformed would I have what I have now?
Is there more? Will things get better or worse?
Keeping up your Health
As you get to middle age you start falling apart.
You lose a lot of muscle and balance.
The only way I have found myself maintaining my health is to go for long walks travelling and seeing new places.
I want to bulk up but it will be expensive to maintain a lot of muscle.
A good activity I found was to keep busy and be useful as much as you can.
Using the mind as much as you can doing a fun engaging activity.
Mental Health After
After finishing school, I learned and obtain better health.
I wasn’t consumed by my emotions. I wasn’t worried about feelings as much. What I mean is that there became a level of maturity and intelligence when dealing with people outside school.
You see people and things differently now. You see people as “computable”. People see you as computable. Computable means that you see people as a construct of characteristics both physical, age, maturity and intelligence mostly.
My health has improved so much by doing computer programming.
By doing what I want since 2020, I finally went the way of living for myself and exploring to the fullest limits I think creating software and this content in tune to myself. Creating tools that allow to you customize your computer 1,000,001 ways was a goal and message.
School and work are odd places. You don’t really live in those. There is racism, structure and just the pursuit of knowledge in those areas with general Western bias.
Now that I am out of those areas, I am trying to grow in “life”. Learn about life and think for me and in new ways. Become independent and enjoy myself and freedom.
It takes a lot of experience and education to think for yourself for me. Once I learned about the Vietnamese aspects of my life from socializing with my Vietnamese-Canadian peers, I found the way I act and behave is actually normal when compared to other Vietnamese born in Canada.
The way I act and treat others is pretty normal in comparison to other Vietnamese-Canadians. I want my freedom and want my voice sounded in the universe like every other Canadian born here. It is actually a need to be free here in Canada. I see others acting and behaving free. Why can’t I?
Only out of the system and doing your own content can you finally understand and be an independent human being living to the fullest extent possible.
No racism, no structure, no bias, just independent solo humanly as possible. This is after doing what I want and what I want learned and do and did.
I also learned to have a mind that is complex and high level as possible let me see things and understand things so far out that I see life beyond the racism, structure and bias.
So please keep learning and educating yourself to escape whatever you are feeling down with. Learn everything and do what you want first.