Just living now …

When I think of other things to do, or attempt to do other things, it just doesn’t work out for me.

I learned I should be doing what I want and that it should be unique to me. I learned to find people who I can work with. 

Trying to work out there with everyone is just a headache. I will just work with my good positive friends.

Trying to work with everyone is impossible to maintain and a waste of time as I know it is based on a hierarchy that may exclude me. Also as I get older I need to specialize and not try to be ‘all knowing’. I know enough about this ‘duality problem’ and my time with it is done. I will just coast …

I developed my brain to do abstraction, logic and problem solving. I love abstraction.

By keeping the brain active and doing things that are humanistic is all I need.

There is so much to learn. Everyone has a particular skill set that is unique and beneficial. All you have to do is do what you like.

I will just live this way.

Point/End Story

I lost everything else and abstraction is all I have now.

Everything else I did so far I met walls. I can not scale the wall but I understand the wall. Abstraction is the key.

I like abstraction. I will just focus on abstraction, not math but abstraction. It is something there but not.

Keep Busy

By doing stuff, I reached a point in my life that I realized I should just keep busy. Keep very, very busy.

Keeping busy is something I learned that I must do to keep happy and well. I do not have time to think negatively or think of things that are out of my control when I am kept very busy.

Computers keeps me busy. It is pretty fun ‘work’. It is the most fun ‘work’ I had without having to leave home.

Also I learned to always keep connected to family and friends.

Maturity

I think I watched a Tom Bilyeu short clip interview on Instagram.

One guest said he was worried about how much time he had left in this world to accomplish things he wanted.

In the beginning of his journey, the guest was scared of the hard work studying to gain the skills necessary to do what he wanted. He was reluctant to learn because of the difficulty and now he is worried about his time left on this planet.

I believed I grew up a lot during the past year and a half.

During this pandemic, I went back to school to do my last passion: programming and I am almost done.

I got the chance to disconnect and retreat in my room to program away everyday.

I found things to do that I wanted to do. I found tons of things to do.

How do I want to leave my mark as an old man now? Who does it involve? What does it involve?

Sense of Self

I am trained and conditioned to do what I am doing. I had no choice but to do it. There is no real freewill.

It’s nothing special. You need to do something different to satisfy yourself.

I am old and have done enough to understand life now. I used to copy other people’s ideas and make them better, but after a while, you mature and create your own unique things. It’s a natural process of growing up to be unique and different. It is not better or worse. Nothing to compare at this point.

In some work areas, you can find things to do. You can try to find solutions to open problems. It only works if you have 150% passion and interest in the field.

You may need a mentor or help to develop your solution but both of you must be 150% interested in the goal and the journey.

Do you remember when you were a child and your kind-hearted teachers told you that it’s who you are inside that counts? Develop a good character inside?

My mom tries to teach me to just think and separate myself from my body. But the only field where I can do this is in computer programming. In computer programming, you don’t think about the physical world at all.

Self-Expression

I was browsing LinkedIn and came upon this article: https://www.sony.com/en/SonyInfo/blog/2021/12/16/?s_tc=blog_link_en_21-1216

This article talks about self-expression. I never really thought about this.

What do I want to say? What do I want to project?

Is it concrete? Does it change over time? Is it me? Is it only about me?

I will think about this more in a bit. I will write a sentence or two …

UPDATE on Self-Expression

To express myself is different from wanting to have fun I think. I truly enjoy doing what I want with my friends (Ben Cybulski and Dmitry Nefedov). There is fun, friendship and partnership in doing something we all like to do.

Rewarding

Everyone has issues.

Big or small, everyone is trying to achieve something or get something.

I was watching a Jeff Bezos interview talking about gifts and earned skill.

He said you should be doing something that you earned. Learn a new skill?

He said gifts are given to you and not earned. Do not use your gifts?

I always wanted to learn programming since I was in grade 7 at 12 years old.

Now I am 37 years old and almost finished “college-level” computer programming diploma.

I had to earn this skill and it was challenging and worthwhile.

I wonder if I can go on and actually do it though. LOL 🙂

Found my role model

Reality sucks. I will talk about this later …

Anyways during my final semester at Durham College, I met my role model who is a teacher here.

It took me 37 years to find this person who is similar to me.

Anyways, I learned just to do whatever you want and then you will find people just like you one day.

When I say reality sucks, I mean that the general world view is just bad for people who look like me. I concentrated on the things I like and finally found people I can work like.

No need to involve culture, race, politics and religion that much. It does matter, but I avoid it as much as I can. It is accounted for in my life but this is the best I can do in this negative circumstance.

Childhood dreams

I am old.

I have worked a lot. I don’t like being a pawn working for others …

Is money important? Not at my age …

The very Canadian Western thing to do is to do what you want in life and not for money and is not dependent on your partner’s wishes. 

Everyone is unique and should do what excites them without thinking about anyone else’s opinion. Not including family and not including “friends”. You should just do things for yourself. I learned this after my troubles.

I did things the past few years and nothing made me happy. I was pleasing others and not pleasing myself.

The reality is that you should be living out your “childhood dreams” however crazy they might be but within reality. Do not just grow up and get old to just work for the sake of working being just another spoke in the wheel.

I finally learned this.

End of the Run

I am talking to a UofT at Scarborough Economics student from Vietnam. He is asking about me.

He is asking great questions. He is looking at me through his eyes as a Vietnamese from competitive Ho Chi Minh city.

He is making me think about what I have done.

I have accomplished things that I wanted.

I only develop things that I want.

I am not motivated by money.

But I would like my own money to enjoy and grow and experience more things.

I think I have done enough and need a life of my own now. I will work for money now.

I applied to become a high school teacher. Hopefully that works out.

My Birth and What Doctors’ Say

According to doctors, what your mother thinks when you are a fetus in her belly determines ‘the baby’.

I really thought I had control over my life in work and hobbies but it is not true now that I think of it. I just like sitting in front of my computer all day.

My mother thought I would be a computer person. In the early 80’s dad bought a TV and she watched computer news. She watched Microsoft and Bill Gates. During the pregnancy things were pretty OK.

Now I just develop Microsoft Windows utilities all day and do some tech journalism, art and tutor/teach.

I am actually anti-social but I can talk a bit. My current dialogue topics for my age are lacking because I spent the last 14 years in front of the computer learning computers to grow.

I finally understand myself because of the environment I was made in which also is very Vietnamese, my mother’s way.

How to Think and Grow as a Colored Person

You have to think higher and higher to reach full abstraction … but also do what you like.

Are you really the person people think?

If you are not doing full abstraction as a colored person then you are living wrong.

Life After

Again, it took me many years to finish school and get the experiences I needed in work and life.

After finishing school I feel like I am “living”.

This type of “living” is surreal. I don’t think about the small things that used to bother me no more.

I realized my design philosophy.

Once I understood my design philosophy then I understood how I like to live.

I want to live a peaceful life with no stress.

A life where I create what I want.

I design software from very simplistic (0%) to all-you-can-eat (100% with almost unlimited combinations of options).

The simplicity to the unlimited gives me the peace and escape I need.

Nothing is Fixed

As you get older, you are supposed to live in a buffer, some kind of expanse so you feel fluid and free with no hardline definition that will hard stop you.

When I was working as a sales associate and computer technician there was stereotypes and judgements daily. Working in front of people, people seem to put you in a box. Like people need to categorize and maybe even setup a line of command …

Working alone, you get the opportunity to think more for yourself and create things that make you individually happy and fulfilled. You are allowed to travel and explore without someone helping you decide.

Order what you like and somewhat indulge.

Hobbies …

I understand what is a “hobby” now.

People

The people I surround myself with made me.

For years I thought it was all independent work mostly that made “a life”. But no, I need people like Ben Cybulski and Dmitry Nefedov and my brother William (Duy) Nguyen.

It is funny how life goes now. For me I thought about just working generally like going back repairing computers or selling cell phones. That turned out exhausting me and creating problems for me.

I just surround myself with positive people and keep going …

Youth

We are young only briefly on this planet.

I realize at my age now that there is MORE depth and MORE different cultures/viewpoints at an older age. There are more experiences that I need and want to see as I get more older.

I think I have done what I wanted so far so now there is more as a older adult.

I realize now after doing what I want that life is a continuing growth journey. There are no stops.

Trance

There are no stops in life. You keep going. You keep getting older.

I realized I was always looking for more to life.

Getting old sucks generally. Your back hurts, food is not appealing no more, you get white hairs and wrinkles. The list goes on.

I kept at doing what I wanted and experiencing new things. I finally understand the feeling I want.

I want to live in a trance like state where there is an abundance of options and choices so I feel satisfied and up.

Is life just practical? Are we just working for the dollar? Do we just accept getting old and tired?

When I go look for more and do computer programming, I get the feeling of being in a trance like state.

I understand my peace now.

I act this way to fight getting old and to basically “live” in the environment I am in.

Finding Your Flow

Working outside is OK … but …

I just have to act like myself and find people to collaborate with.

I think I understand how I function and what I want. I just need cooperation.

Next step is to do more …

Doing What Matters

If you had all the free time in the world, what would you do?

I am not done with school yet … will I ever be?

I did some volunteering in a field that I want to do … 

But if you aren’t finished school and you don’t want to volunteer any more what would you do?

Live in your head? Doing the things that matter to you?

I like to think I am a unique individual and not work to feel like a number.

I would like to do things that make me happy.

Working outside with the general public, can I truly do what I want?

In Your Head

In the end, do we just live in our heads?

It sure looks like it now.

Staying busy. Staying in the present. Staying in my head.

I am making a life to stay in my head.

It is safe to do this. Safest way as person like me.

Clearer Life Philosophy

Thinking independently: Transcendence through growth and development of software that is built however you want (that represents you) but is still structured.

Now What?

I am doing some stuff.

I am trying to add.

I came to this conclusion after doing things I wanted.

You have to keep moving forward in education and in life. You can not settle on staying in one spot thinking that it is OK.

David (Phong) Tan Nguyen

I did things that I wanted.

But now I am stagnating and waddling around.

I am not getting any younger.

I am at the age where there is no waiting around no more. There is no just doing what you want. You must move forward all the time and not settle.

Screw classism, racism and boxed in ideas of who you are supposed to be. We are old now. I am old now.

I can not stand around waiting to get old and wither away.

Keep moving. Anyone who says ‘No’ has put up walls. 

@#$! them. What else is there in life?

Processing

You are supposed to not care and trust the process.

I accomplished my goals and now I need things to do.

It is now a process to work with my more positive friends to think positive and keep busy.

Keep processing.

Now is the time to keep processing and processing forever???

Ideas

To avoid the everyday life trap, you are supposed to think in “ideas”.

No longer are you thinking about classism, racism, and other biased ideologies.

Purpose of Life

I am lucky to live in Canada. When I was young I was curious to understand the meaning of life.

I thought life was supposed to be fun. All I heard everywhere was that life was all about suffering.

I still thought the meaning of life was supposed to be fun even after all these years.

Now I realize my I was right, I define life my way. Now my definition of life is this:

Life is to create something new and fun. And keep pushing to create new and fun things. That is all. Once you understand what is basic and normal, then you go for the fun.

David (Phong) Tan Nguyen

I am lucky to live here in Canada to pursue this I think.

More Maturity?

I thought I was ready to go to the next step but realized I need to do more to get that certain job.

Anyways I realized that in life I need to become more mature and this type of maturity requires motivation.

One day I was browsing Instagram and saw this: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CjF8GaXJQO8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

I need to keep going. The greatest motivating factor to keep going is progress.

It is great that I work with my friends but as an individual I must work on myself.

Growth

I am being really more mindful of what I have. There shouldn’t be any worries really.

I should just continue to do what I do and not think too much. I should stay being me.

I do have a personality that is me. Can I change? Do you really change?

Life is multilayered now for me. I am wiser now with different core values that I have earned now.

As a mature man, it is mostly about your productivity???

I will expand on this soon …

Life Goes On

What makes you feel important and valued?

What excites your soul?

Can you really everyday do what you want that ignites your entire being?

I studied and explored for the last 38 years to find what makes me tick. Keep ticking I guess.

If you don’t do what makes you tick, how else will you function?

Critical Thinking

As I have gotten older and done things, I now realize I wasn’t thinking critical enough for myself.

We can live day-to-day, but we all need to take care of ourselves from sickness, old age and have financial freedom.

I need to think more critical and evaluate my values and position.

To do the things I do I have to think for myself and be critical. I have to challenge everything.

I want to teach others to critically think like me to stay healthy, motivated and far reaching. You must try out everything whichever way to see and set the limits of everything to understand life and grow.

How else am I supposed to live? It doesn’t make sense to give so so much when I don’t receive back to grow and nurture myself and my well being.

It has to include me too.

I need to take care of myself first.

Halfway Point

I think I got old enough now to realize there is no turning back.

I spent most of life just exploring things of interest and opening my mind up.

Life got to the point where I wasn’t feeling good no more just living this way in an endless loop.

Luckily, I was able to do the things I wanted for the most part and it grew and matured me in ways that I could have not grew alone doing a 9-to-5 or working for the dollar.

Every man has to do his interests or otherwise he will end up unsatisfied and lifeless. It has to be productive and reflects him.

Where I am now and How I got here

Things I did/happen to get to this realization that there is no turning back and the time is just to grow and grow:

1. Had childhood interests that I liked to explore (1) Computers (2) Art (3) Programming
2. Explored the world more by studying other things and working different jobs
3. Worked in my first interest: Computers as a computer technician
4. Found friends in my field who had bigger goals than me that they shared with me
5. Helped a lot of people by creating free software with my friends
6. Kept developing software and updating them to get experience and build strength, skills and confidence
7. Enjoyed and relaxed doing this new software development role. Reflected a lot in this position over the years
8. Got to the realization that this field is good for my mind, body and spirit to grow and mature from as a man
9. The positives of becoming some type of “engineer” made me feel and understand new things I never felt before. No longer was I just memorizing stuff and “feeling”. I was actually creating stuff that felt good and was useful without the emotional baggage attached. I was no longer dealing directly with myself and people as that is just a circle of abuse. Cyclic loop of “feeding” a “endless drain” that was getting bigger and bigger. I was actually creating stuff from my heart and soul for people and I was growing bigger and bigger and more distant from me and abstractly.
10. Focused on myself
11. Realized focusing on yourself is a need that I truly needed
12. Got old and realize I am not getting any younger and must continue to grow individually thinking critical to be able to do things. Push and test everything to learn and grow constantly
13. Need to keep maturing and learning and growing in order to feel healthy and well. The sky is the limit
14. In order to do the things I want I need to forget people and everything and think in ideas to constantly grow for myself creating things for people. “Forget to do”
15. Don’t challenge, just accept and observe then act on the knowledge received and gathered
16. Forget how I get treated badly and just focus on nurturing myself. I can only care for myself. The only person that cares for me 200% is myself. I am the only one that can feed my soul
17. Make big goals in life that matter only to me that are bigger than myself

Being Lost

Why am I doing the things I am doing??? I do whatever I want to voice my concerns and voice inside me in this world.

I am not boxed in or confined by stereotypes. As we get older we lose our old ways of thought of classification and stereotypes and want to live more free among mature free thinkers.

I saw an Instagram Reel that helped me navigate my life at my age:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CmMbPJWJvwv/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

For myself, I need all three (education, execution and consistency). But I think but more consistency.

I am getting to a point in my life where I need to keep a routine now to keep content and healthy.

Learn How to be Alone

People who can be alone and be content is incredible to me. They look entirely self contained.

But no one is that alone are they?

In life all you need are a few friends that support you I think???

I am looking for new people to work with.

The yearning to do more and reach out is always there???

Helping Yourself

Just for a few days, I was working on creating more features for the FreeTimeTech.com Windows 10 Debloater in my vision.

I tried to add:

• Progress bar
  • List counter of finished commands after running output
• List counter of commands for summary

I was so happy and ecstatic doing it. I was doing what I truly liked.

If gave me a huge life force that can not be compared to any other activity.

I will try to do things that matter to me more now that will give me life and health and all good things.

I hope everyone has the chance to seek and do what makes them feel alive.

One Way

One way I lived life was just doing one thing and accepting the fate of life and circumstance. I was expecting to get older and older with increasing health problems and wither away.

I did this for a while and realized that was not good. I had to do something to stay strong and healthy and content.

I watched this interview with Ethan Hawke : https://youtu.be/gNnbnCHCzxE?t=64

He wanted growth and success and money.

He thought life would be easier as an adult but it wasn’t. It is kind of unexpected with successes and failures and problems along the way. It is a struggle which is good. We learn and grow from our struggles.

Almost Random

Things can be this way or that way. People are here and people are there. Everyone is at a different frequency and place in life. It is like everything is almost random.

As I was trying to mind my own business and also work with everyone I walked through life a lot, I realized “you can do what you want”.

I am an insignificant thing. You can ignore everything and live quietly in peace.

I did the leap of faith. I tried to do more in life and realized this.

By me trying to reach the limits I understood that you can pace around or accelerate.

Once you have accelerated so fast and far out there everything looks almost random.

The motivation is not there no more as you are looking deep within yourself for answers to life’s basic questions.

What am I doing (developing) this for?

When you are trying to develop the best user experience (ease of use and accessibility) software, it is endless, subjective and objective. It can go to infinity in the number of solutions ongoing till when?

I got to the point that I realize I am always learning and growing now. I am not sitting in one spot no more. The time is now to move.

Working with friends, the daily interactions adds up. But the daily interactions are random it seems when working with my adult friends. Life has become almost random currently in my life, especially when working with my friends. It is the people you surround yourself with that this type of random life occurs, around mature independent adults.

Messy

In life are we supposed to live according to what society expects of us generally?

I got to the age where I stop caring because of what society expects what I should do as it has wrecked havoc on my health and growth.

Deep down inside me I am old because I have experienced enough to understand that life is to do what you want solely for your health and growth to thrive.

But there is also the expectation that you grow old gracefully and become wise …

I am not young no more to worry about the superficial stuff.

There is so much out there, it is messy. Can not expect things to be 100% polarized and defined and let that define you.

Fake it?

There is always learning and growth to be had. In this case, more self-control and more independence and more maturity. Life is about maturity which is self-growth into being someone with his own drives, opinion and views. Everyone views and opinion matters but I must hold onto my core individuality and beliefs regardless what anyone says or does.

In my last course in school, the environment isn’t so great right now. I know who I can work with and those I can not. I know who I can vibe with naturally that helps me be me and grows me. I am mature but not in a mature environment …

I will try to finish without bothering anyone. I know myself and do not think I need anyone telling me what to think or do.

I saw this reel discussing how to act when circumstances are not good: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CoLOAmMAxHh/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Fake being happy till you make it. Put on a happy face when times are tough. Happiness right now for me is an act in my current circumstances.

I will try to find people on campus that I can vibe with now. Going to class and going straight home ain’t doing any good while I am stuck in school for the next 3 months.

After … Now in the World

Growth is the key to fulfillment: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cozsy8UrEm1/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

You have to believe anything is possible: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Coan4fps2QA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

After doing what I want in life, the journey doesn’t stop.

We live in our “mind” … stay witness and do not get involved. Don’t become a traffic policeman: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CoqJ3csAuQf/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

In life you have to find an activity to disappear to that you can do until you die. It is simple like that. It is kind of dark and kind of fulfilling. It should not involve people because you won’t have energy needed for yourself. You need energy to heal and grow. You must love yourself and care for yourself.

Change?

In life you don’t really change. You can meet people from here or there but who you are doesn’t really change at your core from your experiences. Things can get worse if you deal with the wrong people and do bad actions.

I am finally meeting people in-person after March 2020 COVID pandemic and realize the people who try to change you are the people who are “social” people.

I was born and raised with the mindset to be independent and a self-thinker like my parents.

Solo work and working with 150% compatible friends with shared goals is all I need I think.

There should be no room for back-and-forth when I feel I kind of know what I am doing and what projects I want to do.

I want to only deal with positive people with shared fun goals. Time is short.

Live for yourself to care for yourself as time is short. There is a lot for me to fix and grow in my life.

The physical in-person world is non-existent. Everything must be online and abstract to stay healthy, relaxed and safe.

Life at this Point in Time

You can work with people day-to-day and expect the day-to-day. Get treated day-to-day …

I live in Canada. I am a Canadian born citizen. I am so lucky to do what I want under my own terms and conditions.

I can decide who to play and work with.

It took me a long time to realize that life is random at my age. Everyone is at a different spot in life. Everyone is doing their own thing.

Working in-person you tend to want to label and categorize and find where you fit among the crowd.

But as an old man now, life is in the clouds. Your mind doesn’t rest on the floor.

I don’t feel great trying at my age to just socialize. I have found greater meaning in my passions.

Only older mature people understand that.

I have my own group of friends wanting to do this and that. Is there any room to touchdown now at my age?

Discipline will set you free

Maybe it is the discipline of working really hard that keeps you healthy and living long like the Japanese do?

But I have my personality and need a creative outlet and to be myself.

I guess you need to work harder for yourself by yourself. Not in the “system” that prevents you from growing.

Discipline will set you free.

Peace

If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive.

PAULO COELHO

After so many problems in life, this quote rings loud and clear.

It is all Internal

No one really cares. Life is too random outside. You can not really integrate all from what is outside internally.

Once you spent enough time outside after accomplishing school and your goals, you realize everyone is too busy attending to their own goals to worry about you.

There is no connection really between people and yourself. Everyone is trying to fulfill their goals that are now external when they get older. External goals are goals that are universal and larger than themselves.

So just do what you want in the comfort of your own personal space.

As I have grown older, I am spending more time alone. I am spending time alone to focus on myself on attaining personal goals and growing to become deeper and more fulfilled.

This is what happens when you get older. Simple socialization and the everyday is now old past routine.

Also you try to find answers to see what is more true.

What you belief now can change in a year or two. Larger truths, larger universal truths.

We are all seeking answers and better answers and solutions.

Finally Old

I am finally old … There is no turning back.

I am done school basically now. I am finally out. It took my 25 years to learning my programming.

I got old. I am basically 40 years old now in Vietnamese years and 39 in Canadian years.

There is nothing at this point except for keeping busy. Just filling up your head.

You can not turn back time and can not think like a young man no more.

Just keeping busy. You no longer think about this or that. It does not depend on who, what or where now. You are not trying to impress yourself or anyone now.

Keeping busy to move on. Keep busy to stay afloat.

Even after finishing my diploma in computer programming, it feels done but also endless at the same time. I don’t have a 4-year degree in computers, just a 2-year diploma.

I guess that is life. Keep working and learning.

Next Chapter

Since March 2020, I stayed at home doing school.

Luckily, the pandemic is under control now it seems.

I am almost done school now and now I can work outside.

I learned something very important that is critical to my life from now on.

Before, I was so pushy in doing what I want and forward trying to prove my point and way.

After accomplishing what I want in life, I can take a 3rd person approach to life.

I now am choosing to look at life and act when I got the full picture now. I believe that is the only way to work comfortably and respectably.

No more pushy and forward behaving.

Watch, listen and then react. See what people have to say in the picture first.

It doesn’t help to be forward no more.

Very Mature

Life gets to a point where these things happen:

1. Only ideas and projects matter which solve problems you find interesting or needing
2. Everything becomes objective. Subjective things become objective
3. Life becomes just about learning. Canada is setup for education. Not taking part in further educating yourself is an opportunity you are not taking advantage of. Not educating yourself is now a wrong choice you are making. There is no debate. Positive and surprising good things can come from you educating yourself further.
4. Doing your interests only matters
5. Exploring all experiences you want must be achieved.
6. There can be more experiences you are missing out on. Make a friend and explore socialization and adventures together. Talk and openly debate with your friends.
7. Achieve all your personal goals
8. Only talking to people who fully understand you is all you need to talk to basically. The “other” people have their personal reasons to criticize you. Reflect on the criticism and see if you can learn from it. Take time to understand the criticism fully. Keep an open mind for the criticism.
9. Only your needs should matter first because the “other” people will never understand your reasons. Everyone is different.
10. Peace and understanding is all you should seek
11. Taking a calm listening to everyone first approach is the only way to interact to understand and filter
12. Love yourself first. Learn to love yourself. It sounds corny and may not make sense at first. But you must grow into a complex individual with many parts that can be loved by yourself and others. There must be some parts to you that can be loved. No one is perfect. If you don’t love yourself then you can not be healthy and develop into a unique strong individual with valued humane opinions. You deserve to be treated humanely so at least you must learn to take care of yourself and love yourself humanely first. I learned this lesson the hard way after talking to many women LOL. Love yourself because the criticism from others can hurt. You need to love yourself to understand and grow to a complex individual so the criticism becomes from misunderstanding and just something to think about to reflect about maybe. Your reasons for doing what you are doing have merit to you. Allowing criticism to hurt you is painful at first but at the end of the day it can reaffirm what you are doing is right for you and their criticism was an eye opening thing to consider maybe and learn and grow from. The criticism is usually from the lack of respect you show to others. But at the end of the day, you are basically alone with your interests so don’t really take into consideration of criticism.
13. Once you are old enough (with half a lifetime of life experiences), find a group of mature older people who just accept the world how it is and how it is going. I found my group of friends. We are all very old now and accepted “fate”. This group of friends are the people you need to once in awhile socialize with after doing your interests. This group is your medical healthy dose of “daily socialization” you need as a human. We are social creatures. Find your group! The group for me is the RealHardwareReviews.com Discord channel.
14. Believe in the Universe and Karma. What you put out into the world will come back.
15. Help without expecting anything in return.
16. I think everyone knows a bit of what to do for general work in public in your face society. Your girlfriend may not understand how the world works so they may expect too much in which you can not do.
17. Once you hit middle age all that is left to do to stay healthy and feel young is to continue learning and focus internally. The pursuit of education and creativity will keep you healthy and strong. Push forward your interests. Focus on something really unique and out there. Go ahead and keep going you may get into some really niche subject and get lost in there. Getting lost in something is a wonderful good feeling that is very healthy. Your health and happiness matters first.
18. Growing old: Moving throughout life and society becomes like a pathway to becoming more older with it’s accompanying illness, disease and natural aging aliments. Your health, happiness and escape from reality matters first. Escape to an activity that preserves you to enjoy everyday.
19. People criticize you because maybe of their lack of life experience. You need to grow up by doing what you want to gain the life experience to analyze everything from a growth standpoint. Growth and maturity can answer all criticism maybe. They criticize because they don’t understand the needed life experience to accept what you are doing is for your wellness.
20. Don’t get soft soft. Living a long time in a modern environment you might accept the duality of life. But you must push and push to find new experiences, a new marvel escape if you want to stay focused and strong. There is no better feeling than being focused, strong going after new positive growing experiences.
21. Along the way of growing up and old, you meet older and more wiser people. You just see them and connect with them walking by. You reach older and mature levels. Learn and grow older and more mature from those encounters. Growing older and more mature should be a positive experience. Thinking about running back to your youth might be a problem …
22. Culture, race, nationalism, preferences and bias can all be contained and objectified. Understand the extent of all different ways of thought and use them. There is one true form of thought and that is free expression. Don’t submit to any one way thought. Live your life but be free.
23. At the end of the day, you are doing stuff you want alone in the comfort of your space. And yes it is different from what the general young population people expect. People who criticize you can’t accept change/difference. They just want to reign power, rule and classification and you to be subjugated beneath them. When you get old enough you just accept anything can happen. Those that criticize you are just not mature enough yet. They worry about other people and are not doing something with themselves individually alone for growth and maturity. I am not sure if they are following their interests. Everything and anything is no big deal. Ask any 80+ year old nearing the end of their life and ask what they have seen and let be. No need to worry hugely about what 20 year old person has to say.
24. You need to go outside and interact with the world to realize the things above. Maybe about 30% is natural interests alone in your room on your computer and 70% is outside learning to grow and reaffirm the choices you make throughout your life. You need to go interact outside. Push yourself outside. Push yourself out your comfort zone. There must be something you want/need/get excited about out there in face-to-face interaction in the world. Don’t think too negative about the world outside your door. It is not that bad out there. Change your mindset to accept the reality and make it positive and an adventure/journey.
25. In general society drop to the lowest denominator to feel the environment. You might learn something and then can collaborate with others if you let your guard down. Act up when you have something good to add.
26. It is nice to want to ride the wave of new interesting things. Do it for awhile to understand the wave. After, just do your own thing with your super collaborate building similar friends. It is so difficult to work with someone with different values and beliefs. I tried working together with everyone but it is so tiring and taxing. There are so many things you can do in this world. You will find people with very similar interests when you put yourself out there in the world and online.
27. I think educating yourself until you are like late 30s is best route, by then you have learned a lot and are ready to work. You will have fall back skills to explore to grow at that point. By then you will be super creative and interesting to talk to for your girlfriend. You would have a few practical skills that can make money too.
28. You have to feel like you have all the time in the world and sometimes it is a rush. But really think you have all the time and resources you need.
29. Don’t stay around in one place too long. Don’t just accept how things are. Even if you think you reached your limit or max, there is more growth and more different opinions that you will encounter.
30. Things will change. Your body, your intelligence, your control. Listen to no one 100%. There isn’t a set way. It is OK to behave in a certain way to survive. Then after you behave in a way to thrive.
31. When you reached the peak, there will be more mountains to climb. Possibly a different perspective. Maybe a completely new perspective you never seen before including no one else had before too. Accept change. It might take time to accept.
32. From my experience, play with people who you vibe with naturally and get a good feeling. You should be able to feel this instantly. I only was able to grow when I met my friends Ben Cybulski and Dmitry Nefedov.
33. Just concentrate on building yourself in mature things only when you get old. Things like learning more, increasing your skill set, reading about self-improvement, actually doing things instead of just talking about it. Forget all the superficial stuff. We can get lost in the artificial life. I get lost in the artificial life too.
34. You can make a big deal out of everything. But most people know what to since when they were very young. Something just got in the way. No need to cause all this ruckus and problems with other people. Everyone knows what is the right way.
35. Education is something you can use to grow and help yourself lead a better life. Don’t get trapped in thinking you can not do something because of your background. Do it yourself even if it takes decades to learn everything. You are going to do it anyways. It will just take time.
36. If someone treats you bad based on your background, just ignore them completely. No one should focus on culture, background or preference. Everyone knows they shouldn’t. In time you will find friends that just value what you value. You should find friends with similar interests that focus on positive things.
37. Take care of yourself first. Do what you truly want then either you can do more of what you want, or work, or help others. Or a combination of these.
38. Avoid people that give you a headache. Your health is important first. No need to deal with people who try to change you or think differently from you. Everyone knows the universal way to think. Think universal.
39. Don’t let anyone control you. Don’t fall into that sinking trap. Be free to do whatever you want. Everyone knows this. Don’t listen to hardline decisions.
40. Everything should be open. Choosing the course of action should be a free choice and watched from afar with open mind. The result of that choice should not affect you. Nothing was permanent or 100% complete leaving a mark. Everything should be plastic.

Problems in Public

Some people live day-to-day feeling the flow. They look at themselves based on their physicality in the world at a young age and just go with it.

But what happens when you are 29/30 years old? How about 39/40 years old like me? I am 40 years old in Vietnamese years and 39 in Canadian years.

Therefore, you just do your passions like when you were in grade 6.

In 2012/2013, I decided enough was enough and went back to computers. I had a rough path. I even gave up a couple of times trying to pursue computer programming. In 2012, I was around 29-30 years old.

I am pretty healthy. I am vegetarian so that helps. I look healthy. BUT I feel old inside and I am grumpy now because I did not focus internally 100% like I wanted when I was young.

I do what I want. I don’t care really care what other people think because my way is “my way” for my individual health and longevity.

It is deep rooted what I am doing for myself. I need to work with my positive genuine friends for health and longevity by focusing on internal only. I focus on learning, studying, working and growing my skillset to handle most things. If I did other things it is self-destructive because it is superficial.

Also the way I look, Southeast Asian, is not really good in broader society 🙁 … so might as well focus on internally. I try hard to just accept it.

Some people just don’t understand … Might take them another 5-10 years to see what I am doing. Everyone should think the broader sense to help them realize the broader picture I think. It has helped me.

But at the end of the day, I am just doing my passions. Everything else doesn’t work long term for a real sustainable life with real good feelings and real goals.

Need to change mindset/focus. Look at things differently.

Life After School

Do you live your life independently? Should you live your life independently? Where is spirituality/God in the picture? Are we alone in this world just doing what we want?

Even after doing school, the following things I have learned and earned.

• More skills
• More control, I am less emotional and less needy as a I have emotional control
• More friends
• Being able to do more
• Being myself more
• Being confident
• Able to help more

It seems that I am very lucky to be able to do school and gain this list.

The good thing about doing computer programming was able to tackle most issues in life now.

Computer programming is like one of the best skills you can have. I can analyze things and analyze life with a programmers mind now.

But what about life in general? I am older now and I really need to start progressing.

Keep on pushing and helping is what I see now. Life keeps going and there are no stops.

Also I see that somethings never change. People are mostly the same in their opinions of you.

You must keep solid to your core beliefs. Internally is what matters now. I am too old now to care about peoples opinion of me. I am old and what they are criticizing is not healthy.

But at the end I am done and can relax now. Lucky I live in Canada.

Working With People

I had a talk with my dad today (April 10, 2023) and he said this: “I don’t want to deal with people and just take care of myself and my family.”

I did not realize the significance of what he said until today.

It is great that you can work with people but at the end of the day I am sure every person on this planet wants to be free.

I write this blog helping others including myself. I write freely. I need to write and do things freely.

If I did not do things freely I would be upset and stuck and sick.

I guess life is all about freedom at the end.

I am lucky to live in Canada to be able to do the things I want … If I couldn’t do what I want what would be the point of anything?

Life Doesn’t Stop

I really thought I could take a long breather after finishing school the second time but realized life keeps going with more mountains to climb. No one is done. Everyone needs to keep moving. You can no longer compare yourself to other people as you see life is actually so complex with people doing what they need to survive.

It has gotten to a point where what matters is just you now. You are learning for your sake to survive in this world.

The other peoples’ biases don’t matter no more. You figure out how to live for you because you have to live for yourself when you reach a certain age.

You have no space in your head to care about what other people criticize no more.

I finally figured this out. Now I just do what I want in my own time and space.

And again I am lucky I live here in Canada … and actually I can do what I want in my own time and space if I really think about this.

At the end of the day, no one wants to be controlled.

Back to One

At the end of the day, you only have you.

My dad said this to me and I understand it so much more now since I finished school and reflected enough and have enough skills. He said:

People are just chasing good feelings. Everyone wants good feelings.

Nghiep Tan Nguyen (my father)

I realize this after 39 years. Once I did my passions and can work, most people are after “good feelings” at the macro level. So people do school, get better jobs, get better money. That is all there is at the macro level and probably what you seek at old age.

I went back to my old jobs and felt around. People at the end of the day don’t want to be controlled. So the best you can do is work hard for yourself to build enough experiences and skills to do what you want so you can chase good feelings. Being under the constant watch and possibly harassment/bullying of others in the work place can’t be possibly good if it is forever like that.

When you are young sometimes you don’t know what to do with yourself. But if you take the time to see what the kid inside of you wanted to do when you were young that should be you answer. When you were that young I probably never had any doubts and were free and never thought about any constraints from people, money, location or things.

The basic human right is not to be be controlled and not to be constrained. Some people want to control others to maintain power and their sanity. But no, you must life for yourself when given the chance and live like independent human being like intended like everybody else.

There is no such thing as control and borders or boundaries.

Out in the World

In the physical world, life is complex.

But at home when you finally settle into your comfy chair with a cup of coffee/tea, all you have is just your mind alone.

It gets to the point where your mind and heart shows the most. How do you act with your family?

What do you do with the time now especially when you get middle-aged?

You can not go around working with your body really. That public in your face working is for the younger competitive power driven controlling adults.

So now you should go inward and focus on mature things like reading and learning.

For me I used to accept how life was in the world. But then I found out friends and family with similar positive perspectives of mine wanting to do things independently out in the world. Then I turned my focus into doing what I love focusing on my passions zoning out in it.

Its got to the point of “remote” work because I do not feel comfortable working in public no more because of getting old.

It is good that I accept this now and just talk online with my friends ignoring everything physical when I talk with my friends.

I guess that is all you have now at 39 years old.

The “Out in the World” scenarios may have bias and prejudice especially when your coworkers are young. So I don’t work with the young crowd no more.

Life is Actually Life Now

Life is all about getting old and maturing now.

After finishing my final quiz (April 14, 2023), it hit me. I am onto my next phase of life finally.

I can focus on work making money.

I have some skills.

I can talk about my journey and life now after accomplishing my diploma at least.

There is really growing now.

I must network and think different with what I have now.

Being able to do programming helped me grow and work from a programmers’ perspective I see now.

I hope everyone in the world can follow their passions and from that passion skill earned can now have a viewpoint to see the world and do something to live and grow.

You have to meet the right people and do the right things (like help others) to understand your purpose to grow maturely and do the right things.

Avoid people who say negative things about what you are doing. You must have a sense of purpose I believe to live a good life.

Basically what can I do with my 2-year diploma in computer programming? including what I have done in my past?

Wrong Thinking

There are some types of thinking that doesn’t really help people understand life problems.

Maybe it is just me, but how do you solve the issue of stagnation doing nothing with your life?

People say in order to get well, healthy and productive is to find your passion.

For me it was so hard to find my passion when there is the world of different cultures and stereotypes out there telling you how to function and feel. Crowd mentality at school and work.

Many times I felt lost in my sense of purpose because I was focused on making money and having a good professional job or just having a job.

I think I figured it out. It is just to focus solely in your mind by yourself doing something enjoyable really. The superficial and physical stuff is harmful.

Looking Old

Looking old helps.

Now that I look older with some education and wisdom showing through my face and body, most people in public see me as a “Sir”.

As you get older, older people see you as a person going through life’s older stages. Young kids don’t start trouble with you no more.

Well the young kids can but you can avoid them by giving them the “old man look”.

I thank my mom for pushing me to get educated in computer programming so I act older and more mature.

I did not accept maturity until I found its benefits of calmness and relaxation and growth.

Now I can have conversations that are very meaningful instead of talking about the weather.

You kind of withdraw from society as you get older.

It sounds bad but if you have some activity that is mature then it is OK to sit in the café working on you blog like I am doing now.

I am basically writing what it is like getting old doing my last passion (computer programming) to stay healthy and motivated in Canada.

I think I am doing the right thing living on the “edge” trying and trying all the time to think forward in computer programming ??? It feels alright.

I feel I am 80-90% mature now ???

Looking older and looking more masculine helps a lot.

By doing computer programming made me very masculine thinking and confident.

Getting Old

Is there such a thing as getting old?

It seems like in general public, most people are young at heart.

The outer shell is getting older but isn’t everyone 21 years old in their mind but with more wisdom and experiences?

I like to think sometimes I am young again but it is only briefly.

Acting young again doesn’t pay the bills or help with work or really grow you.

Acting young doesn’t feel right when there are lots of maturing to do really.

But I would like to enjoy a nice donut and ice cap and feel good once in a while.

Being so old and mature you can’t really enjoy anything fully and good.

You are Alone

I basically finished school now and talked with my peers, I realized I am alone in this life.

You have to strive to live a good life and do good in God/Buddha’s eyes.

Whatever happens, God/Buddha will provide.

Exploration and Fun

Life is about exploration I think now after finishing my diploma.

I really can’t stay home minding my own business when I live in Canada.

For example, medical receptionists see 100s of patients a day. They must say something different for each patient.

There is learning involved and new things that is interesting maybe.

I am going to volunteer at my local hospital again and hopefully help the local food bank to help.

I must venture out to see the world.

Also I need to enjoy myself too. I will work in fun places too.

If you aren’t trying to have some fun then what is the point?

Maturity

Life is all about maturity.

That is the only thing that grows to feel good.

Escape Reality

After finishing school yesterday, I realized this: What I am doing has been somewhat like a way to “escape reality” at the end now I realize.

I reached a point in my life where I learned that I am escaping “my reality” by thinking abstract all the time.

No longer is my life about people really. No longer is it about me really. It is about getting away from the harshness of the negative parts of my life and of the world and just to live in the mind.

It is actually really healthy way to live in my case. I have worked like 20+ jobs in my life and came to the conclusion that life especially in Canada is to do what I am doing for me to live a good life.

I am old now. I am 39 years in Canadian years.

At this age with all my experiences in life and looking my way, it is not fun being out and about in the physical world.

Also, everything else is self-destructive besides what I am doing now.

Some people don’t realize that. Some people think it is their viewpoint that only matters. Some people think their way of life is the only one that holds value. Well the answer is no. Diversity and uniqueness in thought and views is what makes life.

Only the young and inexperienced try to control and influence others. After you get to my age living in Canada with its’ diverse population, other people’s opinion doesn’t matter no more but your own really. You can take a listen to others but it should be your unique voice and opinion that should be held to live a comfortable and fulfilling life to grow and pass through time and enjoy. Otherwise if you don’t, you get sick and tired of not being yourself. You must be yourself but mature about it.

What is Everything Else

Everything else seems like things are getting old and just chaos.

Luckily now, I have a skill that produces and builds.

I thought about other things to do beside programming but realized it is not overall healthy for an older guy like me.

I will just keep doing mature things for the sake of my health and wellbeing.

I can only understand and take care of myself. No one will understand what I need to do for myself at the end anyways so there is no point of trying to make anyone understand or take advice from anyone.

Like Everyone Else

After finishing school and going out to relax, I realized when you are able to do what you want and need then you can view the world from an adult perspective with everyone without criticizing, without judging or making trouble.

The reality was that there are some immature people out there who don’t want you to see or learn the necessary skills to mature and grow.

I guess in such an environment, it gets to the point where no one else matters but you to grow and become the mature one. You get tired with people’s immaturity. It disturbs your peace and now you just want to avoid them.

Keep Going

After finishing school and listening to my brother-in-law, I learned that life is to keep on going.

Finishing my diploma, and doing what I have done for the past 25 years is just stuff that I needed to do like everybody else. I just did not realize it was until I finished some things like my diploma and reaching my advanced age LOL.

Everyone is on the journey of life. We all need to keep going. That is the stabilizer and balancer in this world that we are on this planet to keep going.

Don’t listen to no one to stop as that will make you fall behind and make you sick.

Yup, life keeps going.

Life is Everything Going On

I thought live would be in stages but realized it is everything going on all at once.

You learn and grow in every situation.

You have to rise and be positive regardless of what is going on really. Everything is a learning situation opportunity.

You really have to go outside and see how things are and work your way around to do what you want at the end.

I thought I was affected by society very much but no. You have rise above the situation and put your faith in God/Buddha more.

I should not care

It has gotten to a point where what I want for myself does not depend on what people want from me really.

I am at that point where my needs are still not met. I must not try to convince people outside to side with me. No one will listen anyways. They have their own agendas.

I must look out for my health and wellbeing. I am done with the what people want really.

I must concentrate on what makes me happy doing whatever I want on my own.

I guess I reached old age now.

Ideal Life

“There is a life where everything is just peaceful.”

Is there?

I thought life would get easier when I got older and had more skills. But it seems like there are more things I could be learning and doing.

Somethings could be positive and other things could be negative.

But nothing is 100% one way positive or negative. Drawbacks to everything.

But my mom said to me that life is to learn.

In Physical Society

Things could be better but I am limited.

I look forward into doing the things that I can do here in Canada which is school and work.

There ain’t anything else to do and mature with.

Thinking More

You got to think more to feel good and not stagnant.

Reflecting

Progressing through life you realize this:

• You have to think higher level. Don’t think the emotional everyday conversations. You don’t have to think superficial and like a young adult no more. Looking older helps. Young immature people avoid interacting with you. You forget the superficial interactions.
• You can not think in general culture and stereotypes
• You can not be affected by other people’s culture no more
• You have to study and learn everything to feel comfortable on this planet. I studied everything I wanted and needed and am pretty much done. I don’t feel I am missing out. I studied biology, chemistry and computers and now I feel I am grounded with no real stress. I am able to handle stress and handle things better now. You have to study everything to be stable.
• When I study what I want and desire I get healthier and look better.

I realized what I learned when I was 11 was true.

When I was 11, I was at the doctors. I asked a doctor how long it takes to become one. He said it would take until your 30 to late 30s to be a good working doctor.

I always kept this in mind.

I studied and studied and finally feel comfortable.

I saw this interview and it all made sense.

Try Everything In Your Twenties – YouTube

Now I am reaching 40, I will try to make money now.

Purpose when Older

Especially when living in Canada you realize this:

• You have to study a lot to get a hold on life. Study what you need to teach/tutor at least for a job. Then life can open up for you to think about starting a family of your own and continue the circle of life.
• When you get older and have done what you wanted, you must listen to your elders which is to find purpose to life which is work on yourself and find a skill you like to master in for the rest of your life. It will take more than a lifetime to master a skill. That is the goal of life. You get respect from other people and something to do by doing this.
• Once you have done what you wanted in life, there comes a point where you think you need to stop or go on learning. Maturity and growth is to keep learning and thinking higher and higher living in your mind and finding that life is to keep learning with your time.
• The way of life become a solo path of doing things on your own and disregarding whatever criticism comes your way and disregarding other points of view that don’t spark your core interests.

What is more?

There is actually never stopping. You need to improve everyday or else you stagnant and then become superficial and rot.

No one is getting younger.

You have to do grounding activities like education and grow into maturity to live healthy.

Your Own Pace and Path

It is great to jump on board a ship and work away.

How much collaboration do you need?

Working at a company/group you should naturally vibe with the boss and coworkers and have fun.

I think it comes down to a point where you want to be your own boss and set the pace and culture and work with just your close friends. Become very mature. In an environment like Canada this is a given opportunity mostly afforded to everyone here.

It is great to get a constant feed of what is going on in the market by working in a field. But can you really do both? Develop solely and work on projects at a company?

I guess it depends on you and how you partition your time and what your interests are. Depends on your close friends and personal reasons.

Holding down a job right now can be good and bad. Bad in that you won’t have time to develop what you want to explore and your own pace to relax, reflect and have fun. But holding a job in a field might teach you something and you can network???

I think the goal is trying to do something very unique intune to yourself with no stress and not follow 100% traditional design trends of amalgamation.

The result is maybe jarring and different and refreshing.

When you have no work, time and interest conflicts then things should be better.

Like I remember before, learning and doing stuff is a over a lifetime job. You might as well set the pace and select the friends to enjoy life with no or minimal conflict.

I have conflicting views about “vibing”. Should you work in an environment where you don’t vibe naturally? Should you withstand and try to come to an understanding and grow and mature in an environment where you don’t vibe presently? Vibe at a later date once things smooth out and are balanced and things are taught and shared throughout?

Should all things be open-sourced?

Should you work like Elon Musk and give out your patents for free? Will doing that remove personal reasons and remove any conflicts?

Is it just age and maturity from now on for me? Do I need to grow old to work better with everyone? Do I have natural personal reason and views that must be held in order to function? Maybe I am still too young to see? Do I need to sing a completely different song?

Programming is a Lifestyle

I have been trying to understand life more after all the crappy interactions in daily life. So many clashes lately so far from coming back in school in-person. School is just horrible for an older guy like me. I need to do things with my current friends who I can really socialize with only. I can not deal with polarized young views of the school-aged students no more.

Now after 2 months+ from finishing school I realize the following …

Programming is a lifestyle. You are actually creating structure and order. Everything else in the world is maybe erosion and diluting to a point where things get blurry and undefined or defined broadly.

Before I was living my life in a mess and it was so much uncertainty and messy. I have to have some definition or beliefs.

Maybe I have to think broader and interact more? But the more you know in social dynamics there seems to be more uncertainty? Or are people who I am talking to are trying to mess with me and get their way??? I think people are trying to get their way and influence others.

I am not going to bother and just live my way. My way has been working well. I am not sure if living and thinking so differently will help me. Thinking or living other ways seems very narrow minded and not universal and free. This is because I currently live very Western.

Well I guess I need to go out more and talk to people who I can have a decent conversation with.

Focusing on superficial things, money and rigid beliefs don’t stay and decay.

Focusing on ‘maths’ like programming seems like the only thing I found worth doing that is growth. It helps internally and externally too.

The more programming you do reflects how you see the world and interact. You become more strong and understanding of the world around you and you look more pleasant to be around. Your presence doesn’t seem too edgy or polarized as you take in the world more unjudgmental.

Finally finishing school after so many years I am finally healthy and realize all of this. Hopefully more mature moments like this.

Left Out

It is considered alright to just fall in line and live among people.

But when you get old and fat and just work doing whatever to fit in, you decay and get sick???

As a coloured person, I have the need to connect with my Vietnamese roots and be relevant and do stuff that are important to me??? Think different and see things differently.

Anyways, I realized when you get older you are supposed to live for yourself and develop all aspects of your life.

Some people I meet don’t understand that yet. You can not just be another “Joe” just wasting away in life.

I think you are supposed to look and understand everything and enjoy it. Take the time to live life and enjoy a beer or two.

What I learned from doing what I want

When I allowed myself to do what I wanted, I developed heighten and deeper thoughts and feelings.

I was creating pretty unique software I think after working in computers for decades. I was thinking and doing things that are pretty deep for me.

No longer was I just another ‘Joe” among people.

In my daily social encounters walking or commuting, seeing and talking to people, things are elevated.

It is no longer I am just an ‘Southeast Asian looking middle-aged man” shopping at the superstore grocery. There is more meaning to life than waiting in line at the self-checkout aisle.

If I never pursued what I wanted in terms of creativity and using my mind, there would be just be a continuous cycle of “nothing”.

I wrote my teaching philosophy here: https://firstgenprogrammer.com/teaching/#myteachingphilosophy

I don’t know how else to think about life than this that feels good doing.

There comes a point in our life’s that we seek more? I can’t just accept the norm can I? We have to grow.

Middle-aged Life

I guess I understand now.

As a middle-aged man now, I am finally accepting the change of pace and change of lifestyle and goals.

I was resisting the ‘middle-aged’ identification.

Now I see that life is more about my individual needs and mature goals.

Before I was worried about what people thought of me and expected of me in society.

Now as an old man I realize, you have to have these far-out goals. Goals that are farther and out of reach almost. Out into the universe …

You need goals that are so huge that when attempting them you fall right underneath living a productive and good life full of wonder and all needs and wants met because …

No one cares about old people in my age bracket. Ageism is natural I think. Only I have the time and energy to take care of myself, my wants and needs.

We try to fight all these ‘-isms’ that we face day-to-day. But I am realizing you can just try to focus on the positive parts of this natural aging process and other prejudices you face. Anyways young people or immature people just don’t understand and can not understand unless they grow up and fill your shoes. No one is going to be me. I don’t expect people to be me.

I spent the last 25 years learning about computers and finally have the time now to understand life and philosophy.

You need all the arts and social sciences to “live”.

I will make the lofty goals in life and live my life on my own terms. There isn’t anyway else at this point in life. No peer pressure and no societal pressure.

You have to have ‘lofty’ goals. That is all there is at the start and at the end??? Somewhere in between you try to fit in but that is the juvenile phase of life.

Broader Picture

I need the time to understand about my life in the broader picture because I have the time now after finishing school. It is not all about school and work in this point in my life. I must have hobbies and other interests beyond computers and work.

Am I overthinking how I fit in? I think I need to talk about this with my blog.

Maybe I need to discuss what I am seeing and feeling with my place in the world when out in society beyond the flesh. I must learn about myself and history. I must find some more friends in other interests and fields. I must socialize. I should do some exercise and sports too and not stay at school. Not have the school mindset.

I can not let other people define and delegate how I should live. Especially when it feels wrong for me and when I am old like this.

There is only one voice that is compassionate and mostly understanding in this world. I should not listen to others who do not have this greater understanding.

In other words in the broader picture, how I get treated generally, I have just to learn to accept this from now on LOL at least I have my friends.

Living in the Western world where there is ‘classism’ is new to me when you think about it. My ancestors never had to deal with it. So I guess this is a learning experience to understand what it is like for myself and my future children one day. All this blog is to understand the classism I face and face it.

Beyond Work and the Everyday

Life gets to the point where no one can define you no more.

You get to the point where you are in your mind thinking how to live, how to make money, how to grow, how to give and how to receive.

Your job doesn’t really define you.

What is it that make you go?

Which is above your job job?

After so many years doing this and that and in school, it comes to a point you have the skills and it is what you do everyday that makes you go.

After After

After finishing school and reflecting AND RELAXING …

I realize you need to have a story to keep going BUT also you need to work to make money.

At this point in life, you just study and work to make money now. Maybe staple jobs???

For the sake of life and growth and keep on going, we need all to continue growing and improving and working.

For my story, I am the son of refugees. That is good enough to keep going. That is my story for life I guess. And it is fitting.

How High Can You Think

I realized now the way people think can be different solo for health and your sanity.

I got tired of thinking in the pack.

Life gets to the point where you are thinking on your own now because you get so mature. You have dealt with people enough that you diverge.

Now I am living for myself I think.

Live with Meaning

Idyllic nature of work and life gets to you at middle age.

Once you have done everything possible you need and want, you just have your passions and activities you like really.

Sometimes you want to venture out to do new activities for curiosity and growth but there is something about “your interests”.

Just by going online and learning about them may satisfy your curiosity.

You want to live life with meaning; to have purpose.

Biggest thing is to be useful I learned latter in life.

At home you are basically a nobody with your family. So the only thing to do to impress them is to use your talents and your mind.

Turning Inwards

After finally socializing enough AND reaching middle-aged, I finally understand what my parents and other older siblings are thinking and doing.

They have turn inwards.

Life is about what I am doing now.

What I am doing now for the next 40-50 years of my life.

What am doing?

I saw a personal slogan from OverseasVietnamese.com and one of the members said this: Becoming a hero of my own design.

That made me think. I must design something for me now. What will I have to say? What do I have to say for myself as an old man?

At this stage of life, I must be doing something that will change my way of thinking to grow my mind.

I have blanketing everything so much that I have no solid direction really.

I must enjoy myself and my company now as I am seeing more mature people enjoying themselves and growing significantly in many ways that I seek. They are growing up as a “person”. They are growing so independent that I crave to become more like that. And they don’t need anyone or any validation.

I finally hit that stage now. This is after socializing enough. I did not socialize enough when I was younger.

I guess that is what I have learned late. I spent the last 25 years trying to understand programming after 14 years old that I never took the time to socialize enough.

Looking for More Maturity

After all said and done and the dust settles, people are looking for more maturity and opportunities.

The bigger picture is to be more independent. You want to be able to “float” with an abundance of skills and opportunities at your disposal at middle-age and beyond till the end.

After seeing peers obtain a life of their own, I knew I had to do the same.

Now I am in the journey of seeking more opportunities that are in line with me that make me “feel alive”.

Life is no longer just trying to fit in I think.

You get old now and fall apart physically at middle-age. The time is to satisfy mentally, spiritually and turn almost completely inward.

Time is more dedicated for you to grow instead for yourself with your own voice and accomplishments and continue to see more and more.

You can not rest on yesterday and not grow and not just sit there.

You need to dedicate time to do activities that you like that will grow you and have more accomplishments to make you feel good.

There is Actual Maturity

After 3 months from school, I realize there is more to life than just living doing stuff, there needs to be more rather than complain and whine and just being.

You get mature and actually do stuff because you got older and need to do things in order to maintain your health and must do work.

Work to maintain health especially during middle-age.

I Think That Is It

I got old now it is time to move on.

Time to do mature things now …

Keeping Busy

I learning now that it is important to keep busy and explore now after doing what I want in my own time and place.

This way I keep healthy and sharp.

The goal now is to keep learning and prepare for the worst but expect nothing.

Learn and listen but don’t really act or at least don’t overly react.

When you get that old

When you get that old with 20+ years on you after school, you have the opportunity and gift now to help others mature.

I have been lucky being able to do the things I did. Now it is time to “grow up”.

After doing whatever I can do and being spent and all out of ideas, I am idling and now is the time to grow and do something else.

After taking a break

After taking a break, I realize I have the time to think for myself now in life.

Time is now to think beyond what I was doing. How am I supposed to live normally?

These Days

I learned there is their way and there is your way.

In Canada, I am lucky to do what I want.

I went to Toronto today to see the doctor specialist for my mom. I was put in a place of exciting and engaging minds.

Because I am finished school now and have a way of thinking and doing, I now have a perspective and angle that jets forward to a direction.

No longer am I really competing or challenging people like I was before.

I can say that my interests and waypoint is to …

Keep going forward with my angle till there is just large expansive “space” … into higher thought and higher ground. Like the cosmos with just all it’s elements. Reaching farther human thinking. Looking forward into new ingenuity and designs (with my friend Ben Cybulski of course). Uncovering designs that are more intuitive then previously thought possible.

David Phong Tan Nguyen

Well that is what sets you alive. Well sets me alive.

It is nice going out into public and conversing once in awhile to reengage your mind and test your beliefs. Then push forward into your pursuit and direction into designing more and more intuitive tools and ideas.

Self-Actualization

After the joke … serious note.

Yes I have to pursue my inner talent and creative fulfillment.

That is the only thing that makes me feel really good.

After I learned some skills I could finally sit there and dabble away.

The alone time is what you need after everything else to be creative using your talent.

It is not really out being out in public.

At the end of the day

I am trying to figure out how to live now after finishing school.

You can work outside and just do a job that is a service stable job.

But what separates you from everybody else at the end of the day is your pastime is your hobby.

What makes me tick and be “special”?

Well it has to be what I am doing now.

There are people out there doing this and that, I have to have something I call my own in my alone time without needing anybody else, especially at my age and when growing older.

There can be social type of activities and then there is an activity you have alone for peace which no one can bother you.

There was times where I thought everything I did was socially involved. But as I gotten older and started talking with my “peers”, I realized there was alone time … something I do that doesn’t involve anyone.

The more I talk to my same frequency peers especially from where I am from I realize this.

Superficial

Do you live superficially?

For inner strength and real hard work, you must work with your mind to improve things???

It is no fun to live completely superficial.

Life after 39

People who don’t countdown the number of years they have left on this planet … … … .

After I developed unique software and websites I have with my friends, I got the recognition I needed I think. I developed a tangible product and have something I feel. I don’t think you can criticize or judge people after you have built something like this. You are at peace now because life becomes a perspective you chose and you present with. In this case a product that has widespread used.

What else do I do now after 39 years old here in Canada as a Canadian born citizen?

What am I supposed to prove now?

I was walking to school today I saw this quote on the wall of the Student Services building at Durham College.

Learn as if you were to live forever.

Mahatma Gandhi

It is coming to a point where all I see is having fun working on things I like to do all day alone and with my friends.

It doesn’t involve anyone else that doesn’t see things my way.

I am pretty sure I know what I am doing here in Canada.

Is there more

Is there more to life than working 9-5?

I want to see if just being complacent will do anything for me working now … I am pretty sure it will be ageism and superficial again … especially in Canada …

I should be grateful for what I have.

I just need to focus on gratefulness.

Live normal

After I found “the way”, I am enlightened.

Basically the way is how Ben Cybulski tried to show me. He told me he wishes to build more and more intuitive software tools to make life easier on the computer.

That is like travelling into the direction of openness and forever into the big wide-open expanse looking for more.

It is practical and in your hands. Isn’t that all there is in terms of development?

It is good to look in that direction in life. Especially at my age.

Now that I have this sense of direction, I think it can help me live a normal life now having this thought process understood and held on to.

Difference from me to professionals

I am talking to professionals.

The difference from me to them is that they don’t look at things in black and white.

It is a continuous loop for them always in middle ground.

I lived life all wrong LOL.

Working with Ben Cybulski and my other friends have helped me see there is always “light”.

For example, I am old now at 39 years old but the good things that I have is that I have finished school twice. I have friends that help me and I have a mindset that differs from others.

When I was 25, I had nothing because it was all societal pressure.

Live goes on and we must try to figure out how to live better without conflict and think in ideas and projects. Everything else is just conflict. If I lived like other people, it is just stagnant and opposite.

It is true at my point in life, life is about ideas and projects now. It reaches further out from the harsh everyday reality and makes you believe you are “elevated”.

Disrespect

Is that all there is to push you further?

There are some people deserve my utmost respect without it being petty.

I guess I know what to improve on now.

Can I really provide something of original value?

Passion

To make life “feel good”, it is just your passion I think.

Everything else is just lukewarm, mixed feeling and possibly bad.

Can you just work, work and deal with the everyday? Especially at my age?

After school and after my dreams

Well life after school and my dreams is really odd.

I want to live my old life again and have a routine really.

I want to work doing computer repair in the back bench.

But something is calling me to do more to satisfy other life milestones.

Do I need to work on my soft skills and social skills?

Do I need a social job and live life normally? I think yes and no. I think I can continue the way I want to live to be different and myself.

But the women I am talking to want to have a standard life. That is a nice routine stable job doing what is expected to start a family and everything else. It is that abstract far away thinking: Doing what is expected to get what is expected “from a distance” in your mind.

Can you really pull that far away from being so visceral? I have to try.

Being so visceral got me to where I got today. Being far out might be OK? Again I got to try.

Fun, Work and School

I am old now.

Work is next … need something outside in the real world …

School is alright … It is nice to get those papers.

I am done my dreams … I need to look onto some other goals for “hope”.

Everyone needs hope and good thinking.

Be Open Minded

I tried venturing out into society. Both school and work.

Too many biases and prejudices LOL

I will continue to do what I can as an old man online to feel good in my own world.

You have to do things your way and live your dream without following and not listening to people. FREEDOM!!!

You have to do this at middle-aged +++ or else you get tired, lifeless and sick.

Need to grow for myself

I need to do things for myself or else I will have nothing.

You need to plant the seeds and foster your mind to have good things.

You can not just listen and focus on other people without helping yourself first.

You need to listen to do what you want to live freely without stress of others.

Independence and no stress from others is key.

More After

Don’t chase good feelings. Focus on creating value.

Ellen Nguyen

Link: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cw-q2Y1PlYq/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I follow Ellen Nguyen who happens to be Vietnamese living in the UK. She has earned success as a freelance writer writing for the BBC and Business Insider and content creator based in London. She moved from Vietnam to the UK when she was 17. She is 29 now (2023).

I am happy creating software and writing articles.

I realize more now how important it is to create value and meaningful items.

If you read Ellen’s Instagram post you see that it takes years to start creating good value to feel good and continue feeling good creating value. You might get on a roll if you reach this point.

I am trying to create value for myself and others.

In retrospect, you have to improve your life everyday.

You don’t just walk around doing nothing. You cannot sit around doing nothing.

Full and Filled

When you have designed stuff that hits all your nerves, there is nothing else really.

You can try to make more and try to be more creative …

But when you think you reached your full potential and gotten your fill, what else is there?

It is really now what you want to create for yourself. Everything else is not important.

Writing, designing and creating from your heart and soul is what makes you feel right, good and fulfilled.

I concentrated on myself and from working with my friends I feel safe, connected and alright.

How I see it is, it is not about people really. It is not about the visceral people people connection.

If you concentrate on what people think and do so much you lose sense of the ideals of thinking out there.

Achieving

I used to be just a people pleaser. That was good but also bad.

Just pleasing people all the time gave me a different type of satisfaction.

Helping others is good. Trying to support one another is good.

But I did that for 35 years.

When I started working with Ben Cybulski and Dmitry Nefedov doing my passions, I learned to achieve something I truly desired like when I was in grade 6.

I developed software that reflected me. I became a true independent thinker with my own personality and preferences.

If you concentrate on doing something for yourself, you then inspire others to go after chasing their dreams to become someone with their own perspective with their own needs and wants. You feel alive with your own spirit chasing your goals. You actually feel alive and well. True independence like a Westerner which is so cool and freeing.

It was hard for me to understand at first. When I was educated in a diverse setting here in Canada, it seemed everyone was trying to do things to just fit in the social fabric of society.

But what are your dreams?

Everyone is different

You have to defend yourself and your actions.

Being born in Canada, you have to have your own perspective on how to live and do.

If you just fall in line, what do you have to say and grow from?

Everyone is different to stay relevant and focused.

Being born in the West expects you to be someone of merit and difference.

Also, I think being Vietnamese by blood makes me out of the main picture. It is not the West versus the East sort of thing.

My parents are born in South Vietnam where we are more open and do our own thing. I hate following the crowd and being involved in the dramatics of mainstream society.

Gets to the point

After many socializations and dealings with people, life gets to the point no one cares enough what goes on with other people doing this or that.

It is odd in institutions like school where everybody has general stereotypical expectations of each other.

Generally people have expectations for people to act a certain way based on 3 things: age, sex and race/culture.

People don’t go that far to realize more than that.

Especially in your late 30s as a Canadian born citizen, you can not adhere to just whatever people say.

You can not just slot in and accept old age and general stereotypes.

You need to do more and be more at your late age here in Canada. Everyone is constantly learning and growing. You can not put a stop to growing and learning.

Doesn’t help to socialize with people who demand just whatever they want from you. You have to demand stuff for yourself.

In Canada, how much do you need? It is like polar opposites.

Some people just slot in while some people go do whatever they want.

Again no one cares enough when you are born in Canada when Canada has endless opportunities.

It doesn’t make sense to adhere to other peoples expectations of what you should or should not do when in Canada.

Again endless opportunities if you realize this.