Lost Face
Face is very important in Vietnamese culture in Vietnam.
I lost face huge.
When I went back to Vietnam in 2015 I was a hollow oak tree …
In Durham Region, usually I was supported to just clean and work construction jobs … Then you need a passion and do it. Do it forever …
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In the neighbourhood we lived at in Long Xuyen, we had neighbours that had children that were pure angels in medical care. We had neighbours renting the house next door doing labour jobs for 12+ hours a day. We had neighbours whose children were preparing for English exams to travel abroad to study for a better life.
What did I have in 2015 …
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I could repair PCs all day … which is actually good but people don’t see it that way … so I did the reversal and went back to the Americas and did coding eventually. BUT my mom born me a computer guy ??? … How much is nurture and nature and strategy? It maybe is strategy from both my mom and me?
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Basically the whole deal is this, I saw my neighbour in Vietnam in 2016 renting the house next door working labour and I felt like crap … So I ran and ran. I won’t be lazy in this world. I won’t show lazy. I was lazy not working as hard. It is the connection with your motherland brothers and uncles that makes you jump and run.
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When you come back in your 30s to Vietnam and realize the ‘opposite culture’, things get heavy for your entire life.
Vietnamese in Vietnam really do expect you to have like 2 x PhDs in mechanical engineering and computer science while in America, a MBA from a worldwide known university and 5 – 7 years of professional work experience to impress them if you are not a medical doctor or in health care. This is what I feel.
When I was living with just a degree and some papers in a nice neighbourhood in Vietnam where families live and thrive for 6 months, I felt like I did not use up my time wisely in the Americas and did not follow the right path and needed to work with some groups to make me understand and work. It was upsetting going home not very skilled and not understanding what are my natural skills, doing more and which different cultures I can grow with and expectations.
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Ask your mum … what should I do? Only parents will say the quotes above.
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My older first cousins from my mother side of uncle #4 told me to go back to America basically.
Anh Lộc was an architect …
Anh Bửu was in veterinary medicine …
They mentally double kicked me. Trapped me.
Chị Hạnh of uncle #4 was in education and eventually became a principal …
Anh Thái last son was in electrical
Oh boy, I feel like shit! I feel like puke.
Basically life, is your older cousins that sets the pace and life trajectory but filled and lined of love, support and chocolate chip/oatmeal cookies and cold/warm milk.
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200% Dedication and skill.
That is all you need.
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Also in 2015 – 2016, I was relaxing in Vietnam riding my mountain bike up and down the street often.
The ladies selling snacks, food and drinks catering to the An Giang University students saw me continuously having fun.
She yelled at me, “When are you going to work? I see you all the time riding your bike?”
The whole neighbourhood knew me …
I was going to teach English soon.
This dual polarization is what got me. At one end, I was a fortunate North American who had the opportunity and time to ride a bicycle in Vietnam waiting to get the call to teach English as a second language.
On the other end, I could be back in North America going to school or working or doing this and that.
She startled me and pushed me so hard to decide and look at what I got in front of me.
Was I going to spend life back in Vietnam working as a English teacher?
Or go back to North America and run, walk, dodge, jump, leap, sleep and try one last time?
The An Giang University students were studying 24/7/365 for years to get what I got. I was simply born in North America while they had to fight for everything basically as English is not their first language.
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Please go back to Vietnam and when you will see your uncles suffer under the heavy humid heat and it will ruin your coffee you are drinking.