Updates (April 3, 2025)
I understand now.
I finally accomplished a bit of good things.
The way I am treated in society is because of everything.
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If I don’t help my brother realize that life is solitude work then there is really nothing in life.
I got everything that I wanted in life here in Canada.
I realized life is to keep busy working on yourself like Westerners.
My brother looks for approval outside including my sisters I think.
I stay home all day drinking coffee trying to make good doing my thing. That is the beauty of life.
It is growing and growing until you have that momentum of doing something that is worthwhile and good for you and others. That goodness factor of studying and studying, researching and researching, developing and developing to put something out there.
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After I got a reality check from people including my same people, I realize life is just about family.
I got to help my brother and sister realize you have to grow and grow and do and do to have health and growth???
Or you are stuck stagnating complaining with no life.
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The reality of “life growth” is singular focus specialization from within with your group of friends who are on the same frequency.
It is OK to go out and socialize a bit but the real growth that determines trajectory is doing what you like all day with your friends in solitude.
If I did not develop the unique software then I wouldn’t have a say. That is what determines a life isn’t it? Having something different develop and show. Even if that is not the intention.
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The duality of being and thinking Vietnamese.
There are some extreme good examples of Vietnamese people.
There are lots of bad examples.
But they are they. You are you. You have to be an good example rather than show examples. That is all there is to life.
If you don’t show up for yourself then there is nothing because currently the image of Vietnamese is not that great. It is just good overall.
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The general thing about life and work is that work is really tiring at first.
From the age 19 – 35 it was all learning the normal way for me.
From 35 to 41, I knew I had to learn hard and hopefully get something for myself.
Now at 41, learning is relatively OK. I know more than a majority of people because I did computers programming which cements me as a standalone figure in society. Math is the jump to being able and standard. Being singular.
But it really means nothing.
All I have is my own time, my own life and my own projects to feel good LOL! Because outside is really negative. The only way to feel good is to do your own thing alone.
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The duality of the West is something that is hard to navigate when you are born here. You can live doing ‘stuff’ with your classmates growing up or …
The reason why I got skilled mainly was that when I was at college, I was pushed to do more with my life.
I was 35 at the time and just wanted to live and start my own family. But nice good people looked at me and saw what I was doing and asked what are you going to do for the next 80+ years? The real focus is on you. If you don’t focus on you then what? No good feelings or health? OR is helping others life in healthcare??? Good questions for a Vietnamese-Canadian; an Asian guy born in Canada.
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What is it really like as a Vietnamese born in Canada?
Well because both my parents are Vietnamese, I think very Vietnamese meaning that I only think alone and independently.
I am not thinking mixed or really out there among people. I am all alone.
This translated in 2 things:
- I rely only on myself. Makes me try harder.
- It is kind of lonely knowing that you think independently here in the West. But there is nothing to worry about because you are a born Canadian …
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What is it like developing software for farag2/Sanctuary/Dmitry Nefedov of Sophia Projects? https://github.com/farag2
After a 4-5 years, we are now incrementally patching things and updating thing for the ‘Wrapper’.
It now has a life of its own. It has been a journey for me growing up doing an ongoing project.
This is different from web development and developing your own widgets.
There is versioning system and overhauls. I had to overhaul the engine 2.5 times.
Every time it gets more and more complex but that is where you grow when developing unique software other than web development.
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What is it like doing web development?
Web development is so tiring and gives me so much stress. You are supposed to develop a stable solution that will last at least 6 months to a year.
But the reality is that you are supposed to deliver quality sites that rival big companies. That is all it is.
To do it, it is linear. You keep at it day after day trying to learn the tech stack to build a similar copy that challenges big tech companies.
So stressful realizing it takes years and years to get your mind that big.
But it is also boring.
You realize you are just making something similar to other companies and that is tiring and boring and stale almost.
To get something different in web development? Is that really possible? You can but how much does it really differ from what is out there? 30% at max?
How do you deliver the right message without getting too out there?
That is stressful because you are using your voice to deliver the clients message.
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What is it like when other groups who have been in Canada for centuries belittle you?
Well in the beginning in forced grade school it felt hurtful. It is outright racist behaviour and picking on.
But when you go out into the world by yourself after finishing university, racist people don’t matter at all. They don’t exist in your front or periphery vision. You actually never think of them after university.
You are struggling trying to make something with your life and maintain sanity working and living with merit and health.
Maybe if you worked in healthcare or school setting, you have to get along and treat each other based on your countries status in the world but it really means nothing because out working you are all alone trying to make it. So in the school setting or healthcare setting or otherwise, the underdogs have to think and work for themselves. That happens everywhere in the world.
That is why I am hesitant to go to work in a school setting or healthcare setting because at the end of the day, the underdogs have to figure out how to live better than getting belittled each and everyday.
Working alone with my friends gave me the opportunity to have merit. I heard to have a good life, just a life is to work. And that work must be meaningful.
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What is healthcare then after you get older in your 40s? After you seen young adulthood?
Is it just telling people day after day to “keep healthy by walking 30 minutes a day, get some sunlight, drink plenty of water”?
I guess that is all you shout each and everyday. Buzzing around chanting that? I guess it is. That is health. It is not tiring or stressful doing the same routine but based around ‘health’. Meeting patient after patient over and over again who have the same problems which is …
The patients that are sick are trying too hard. They are trying to achieve the ‘unachievable’ and probably inexperienced in life and learning the wrong things or just young. While medical care workers are ‘balanced’ running in circles prescribing walking, sunlight and water.
Sick patients need that hit of dopamine. Trying to achieve more and more and never ceasing as they need to grow and grow. They grow then they stabilize and then dip. They keep trying making them sick in the process possibly. Kind of greedy which is bad. Bad for health for sure.
Maybe I need that now. I need to stabilize and do healthcare work to have a family of my own. I am sure I have to.
What are ‘sick patients’ trying to achieve? Is it good and right?
If it is education and being creative then that is good, but it can get too much and greedy. Trying to achieve more and more is good but … “Just prescribing pills is pretty balanced”. Not too much thinking beyond basic chemistry.
That is what my dad said. Everyone has their limit and most people have a routine going. Then you live balanced and have your health and longevity??? But also you got to learn something and grow too … That is the dilemma of wanting too much.
Wanting too much then getting sick in the process. Therefore it is good to learn many perspectives and open up your mind. The more perspectives you learn the better to look at things differently and that will cause ease and natural reflection and natural growth.
That is why it is good to travel the world and see diversity.
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I have gotten to the point where I can really sit back and make fun of myself.
I gained a lot over the past 4-5 years understanding life trying hard. I achieved the unimaginable for me. I became an OK coder and got recognition while doing it.
Now at 41, I can really joke and live a life that is simple and full of jokes. You got to laugh at yourself here in the West. Can I achieve more? Is there a real point? Got to start a family now.
Trying to achieve more and more is painful. I got to put in my 40 hours a week doing a routine job and have a family and laugh at life. Laugh at myself, laugh and enjoy a nice takeout coffee, double double.
It would be nice to work for 10 years and invest in real estate. That should be enough to live on.
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The goal of health really is to help others and put yourself on the high horse prescribing how to live on others. That is the relationship between doctor and patient at the ‘negative core’.
With my accomplishments so far, I can let go and live doing healthcare I think.
But the real deal of life is to be creative in all your body and mind. Kind of like building games and culture.
If I keep on this path of mine, maybe I will get to a place where I can really live differently and alternatively which is healthy too. Will it bring me money to live?
Can I work getting donations?
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At the high end of life, it is building culture.
I wish I was smart and creative enough to build games. That is why Western entertainment and Japanese video games are popular.
But my mom born me a computer guy. Just fixing and coding.
I guess that is life.
I should be happy doing what I can.
Maybe that is why I am stressed and overweight? I am trying to do more …
If I just do what I can, my birth conditions, maybe that is all I need to live healthy.
Now I realize this.
That is what my teacher said. He had a limit. That limit keeps you healthy and thin?
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Canadian, Polish, British, Mexican, Russian, Ukrainian, Vietnamese are the nationalities of my group of work.
That is the first step to learning about people and culture. Then you open and expand.
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I guess it is life to work with older and younger people and keep going along the way sharing work, life and lessons.
I am helping the younger generation learn my ways so they have a piece of good life.
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Why I don’t do social media like YouTube or Instagram.
As a Vietnamese man born in Canada in the 1980s, it doesn’t fit my generation. I grew up on TV, radio, VHS, CD, DVD, newspapers, magazines, books and just got the Internet in 1997 with dialup.
I feel you are supposed to use your mind and pen and paper.
If you go visual then that messes up your natural rhythm and you succumb to the hate on the Internet. You would have to live up to the standards of the Internet visuals. You might go bonkers and fall off.
Best to do the old 1500 AD ways of living that everyone can relate to, pen and paper: text.
Everyone’s life is important, we don’t need hate. All I need is a nice cup of coffee really to keep me buzzed.
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What is life outside ‘university’?
When I was doing college in Scarborough, I was living real life. No one cared for me really as I was just another yellow looking guy. I walked to all the cheap restaurants throughout the day and night and no one cared about old me. I ate my cheap takeout and went home to sleep without anyone caring for me.
But when I was in university people cared for their status at all points (the ‘old’ culture, race, looks, point of view and education). Their ego is at stake at university so they try whatever way to state the same and maybe construe something to make themselves ‘look correct’.
But when I finished school, no one cares. They are wrong. Only in universities they make the effort to make themselves so called important and right. But that is opposite to the truth of real life.
The underdogs who have nothing going for them do things. They eventually do after school and lived real life.
For me as a Vietnamese and my understanding of Vietnamese culture, I am proud 20% naturally growing up because of the media and how Westerners and Western influenced groups treat me growing up.
But overtime I grew away from their negative projections. I learned to live with the same people who display different thinking alongside the Western ones. There is actual life besides the Western one and can coexist. There is a different life philosophy there and one you can do.
I got belittled all my life growing up born in Canada.
But after doing what I love in my own time and place I have something different and of value. All it took was living alongside other Vietnamese born in Canada who strived.
Now when I get belittled I see it is from people who have less experience in life and skills overall. They know like I know they are at a loss and have to learn and be better people. The underdogs who have learned to learn and do good will be correct because it is that dynamic of being an underdog that improves and changes things to be better or else you have stagnation and xenophobia.
It is like feeling bad like being 20% proud and 80% time period to work and do the things you want that changes the landscape.
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Beyond university education is like doing a Masters of Education and teaching.
What I learned studying education is that at the furthest end is creativity. Like write books and stories.
But you can go further than that. Doing your thing will improve things for yourself at least. Continuing will see more improvement and surprises.
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Things that changed my trajectory to be better:
- In grade 4, I realized you can not 100% be negative or positive. You have to be open ended and supportive.
- In the back of my mind I knew you had to study until you get a PhD. You have to be Philosophy smart.
- I knew you had to follow your passion
- I knew you had to follow your intuition
- I also knew that living a baseless life is bad and won’t do you any good
- Being Vietnamese is also good and bad. Mostly bad from the general public. Knowing what general people think about your people will push you if you choose correctly and when you have learned to learn. Basically, if you are Vietnamese and when generally people think bad of you, you have to live and work in isolation to improve and overcome the negative outsides. That is life for me LOL!