Updates (Sept 18, 2025)
Things that I kind of accept …
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So I grew and did stuff and went beyond the everyday expectations of life … I got out of the matrix.
Being born in Canada you are stuck thinking and being in the Western culture and even your own culture.
So was life just getting fed up doing routine?
I guess yes. I tried to get out of the matrix at 33 from learning from coworkers.
My parents always tell me to live for myself.
Somehow for my refugee parents have this personality “edge” that nothing gets to them because they survived the Boat Peoples journey and survive the Vietnam War.
I can never have that experiences.
All I have is that I worked quite a bit and found it depressing if I did not live ‘my way’.
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I learned you are supposed to live with a unbreakable spirit. That is what makes people, people.
That is what connects people too. Heart-to-heart that is beyond race, culture and anything else.
I learned this from Mizter Bonezz: https://www.instagram.com/mizterbonezzmusic/?hl=en
He is an DJ, Producer, Songwriter, Audio Engineer and OI Survivor.
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Was getting out of the matrix right ???
Mostly no.
In 2016, I was working normal jobs and life was good.
Nothing to really worry about living in Canada which I am grateful for.
I was working a supermarket job and a restaurant job in 2016.
But certain coworkers pushed me to do more in life …
Were they telling me to go live for myself and see what was out there?
Did they understand what it is like to do that?
What does Vietnamese born in Canada think really?
Vietnamese born in Canada are exposed to all the media and hype of living for yourself at birth. TV, radio and the Internet show the good and bad of doing this or that.
No one really want to go that far out. The comforts of just having a OK job is well enough for people born in Canada …
Tammy Nguyen told me just get a basic diploma in healthcare to do the most basic healthcare work in 2021.
Tony Tie told me just to get ‘a job’. Any job is OK and worthwhile it.
The ‘finally mature’ people understand that. Having any job is a blessing.
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The problem …
Your kids in the future will ask you, why are you working this job?
Then you reply every job is good and warranted.
Then the kids think that is enough for them …
You have to expose your children to the very limits of life in the Western world then they can decide for themselves.
If you don’t try your hardest and reach the limits then your kids will either search or do something you aren’t pleased with long term ??? You are supposed to guide and have pride of your children right ??? Can they really think for themselves in the West ???
My parents are OK in work and in life … I did search for more with the help of my friends. If you do too much for your children then they won’t ‘search’. That is the duality of life. The less you do for your kids, the kids will try harder. That makes them healthy and go-go.
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I have Canadian sponsors here in Canada that helped my family settle in Durham Region 47 years ago.
Their kids, grandkids and great grandkids are doing well in life.
What about the children born in Canada from Vietnamese Boat Refugees do when the children/grandchildren/great grandchildren of their sponsors are working professional jobs in medicine and auto industry out here in Durham Region?
Life is not about work? Work keeps them motivated and healthy.
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What happens in the West …
You have to fight everyday to live and feel good.
Basically you are fighting for yourself. You are living for yourself.
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How I escaped my parents who are ‘upset’ …
My parents kind of nag.
I got around it by doing my thing.
Parents expect the world for their children, especially if they are immigrants.
What do you do? What do you do as a child of refugees?
Well I had to think beyond the accepted norms of immigrants.
I knew life could be more than what my parents expected.
So I did it. Everyone has it in them. It is all intuition.
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The problem …
Then when you get out of the matrix, you kind of want back in and live without trying so hard like you did previously.
Doing what I am doing gives me a great feeling.
But I know it is not really healthy.
I gained weight.
I am easily agitated.
I like to keep doing my thing.
I am unsocial.
Are these good things?
At the end of your journey, you save for retirement or real estate. Everyone wants to get out of the matrix …
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I heard stories where computer people go to healthcare after 20 years working in computers.
And things are great.
Did I reach that turn yet ?
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Basically my parents made me this way. They nag.
I searched for more in the West. I had too. One life to live.
Nagging is good.
But my mom born me with this thinking.
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I have three modes of thinking Vietnamese in the West.
I have one that is really not that good as it was defined by the North American TV media news in the 1990s. That is what old people expect really from my people. It is the negative stereotype … with all the problems.
I learned the ‘good Vietnamese from Vietnam’ stereotype in 2017 with Vietnamese from Vietnam in my local college. There is a whole new life and perspective from Vietnamese from Vietnam. They grew up 17+ years in Vietnam studying their passion and taking the good aspects of the West from movies and media. When Canadians try to judge them it doesn’t work as they have worked hard to earn a spot at the universities or colleges here in Canada.
I am fragile with the negative stereotypes, I just have to go out in society and get negatively projected as it is normal LOL!!! You can not expect better or really worse.
Then in 2021, I met Tammy Nguyen and she shared the circle of connection between Vietnamese born in Canada. Vietnamese born in Canada have our own thing I think. Nothing really bothers us or rattles us because we have been negatively stereotyped since birth here in Canada and we have each other for support.
The thing with Vietnamese is that we are multilayered. We can not really be defined because we are the border between East and Southeast Asia. We do our own thing. That is what keeps us Vietnamese. It is just history and geography that defines us. An in between. Transition point a choke point. That is what I keep forgetting.
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The great feeling of getting this old …
Once you get over 35 year old, you lost your looks and youthful charm mainly.
If you focus like Westerners and turn inward into alone hobbies out of the public eye, then the world of thinking and building projects like Westerners opens up. Things like woodworking, electronics, welding and even computer programming.
You get to the state where it is just what is in your mind to build.
You can get so far into it that you build frameworks and projects and platforms that people may use. And that is quite a good feeling to have.
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Interesting thing about other Asians …
If you take the time to look at the other 2 billion+ Asians in the world you realize nothing matters.
For example, I use a very popular small light distro of Linux for my old PC. Some of the tools and widgets are designed by other Asians.
This is for light duty PCs which means millions or billions of users.
Another example is a product called Volumio. This software allows you to make a media player out of any computing device.
Other Asians build plugins for it to interface with Google’s YouTube/YouTube Music/Chromecast API which Google doesn’t want.
Google wants you to buy their actual physical devices like their Google mini speakers and hubs and licensed products. They don’t want you going through the code and making your own speakers and hubs for free.
And that type of interfacing reaches millions and billions too.
What I do is what I like with my team but there are other examples of other Asians.
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What you learn from doing things soloing …
Soloing allows you to solve ‘the problem’.
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As an child of refugees …
Is this what is supposed to happen? You learn from others and then aren’t you suppose to explore and do this and that until … ??? until what ???
Aren’t you suppose to learn from this and that? Take in and grow?
Who are you living for?
The life of child refugees is supposed to be what?
At the end, my father says it supposed to be just OK. Just work and live.
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The powerful thing about Vietnamese born in Canada …
We know what is up. We grew up understanding the duality of Canada and being foreigners and maneuvered.
We take pride in being Canadian and also handling our issues growing up here and helping others get situated.
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Now I realized life now after living Western.
I got to this point with the support of my friends.
What is next?
At this level things are good.
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Did I do enough?
Ben Cybulski just does what he likes.
Am I doing what I like?
Yes and no.
I got to think about this more and sort the problems I am feeling.
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