Updates (May 4, 2025)

I realized that you must live in your community too. When I feel lost, I realize the expectation and needs are from my Vietnamese in Canada.

Thinking about Vietnam while here in Canada doesn’t really help you solve this problem …

When I was in Vietnam teaching, all the kids wanted to move to the West for a better life. That is all.

If I think about anything other than where I am living, I lose sight of the purpose living in Canada.

Living in Canada I think you are supposed to live like a Canadian like Ben. That is all you can do. Try to live like him for a forward, abundant life. This is for health really.

But understand the bubble you are in alongside with other Vietnamese-Canadians. As a Vietnamese-Canadian I am living Vietnamese in the West but reaching.

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Work is hard doing web development. It is satisfying but hugely stressful. Too stressful I think.

To live a normal life of wants and needs and your own personality, you do your hobbies most of the day.

But doing web development is growth, growth. You are learning new skills and abilities doing it to do your hobbies too.

If I don’t do my hobbies, I feel like a wage slave robot working in tech which is hugely stressful because you have to learn everything all alone. You have to be a full stack developer. Very stressful. But there are a lot of pluses.

I guess that is life regardless.

I need to take the time to do it spread out.

There is always a feeling of rush.

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I did not know that Vietnamese who have their entire family in the West know everything already about life.

I was winging it all alone in Oshawa and realized some Vietnamese born in Canada have family in all different parts of industries so they can learn and reflect from.

Now I understand the work I do is small.

The only thing that I have is large is my hobbies and interests that I honed for the last few decades.

There is hard, hard, creative work at the end that some people do. Like their own web development studio.

I am 7 years from doing that. I still use tools.

I guess I understand the productive work I do is small for what is needed … well what is needed in web development. And web development is everything really?

I attack a niche area and that is a world on its own with its own characteristics and development that can also add to other areas like web development.

If you don’t have a niche area then you don’t have a natural drive??? Working hard, hard, hard is too stressful. I guess you figure out how to manage. It is all a balancing act???

And again at the end it is just growth.

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Again I am not full stack really so I suffer. I can not do both front and back end. I mainly do back end.

So I guess the goal is to do both well to have that nice life.

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If I don’t do my hobbies regularly I don’t have enjoyment or am not relaxed and am not happy.

I understand life now. It is not just about work. I do the things I like naturally.

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I was working since 2016 to have something and I finally got something but it is niche mostly.

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I guess life is normal like this. I understand life after working and realizing life is mostly about hard, hard, creative work to grow and have those pluses. Kind of extreme case???

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My brother and sisters and parents complain to me, but I do what I want??? I realize that is basically the problem. Your family expects something of you that is different but it grows you to have a “life/Vietnamese life???”. But after working and realizing everything about hard, hard, creative work, it is mostly still your passions and hobbies that have the most impact and is a healthy growing life that is balanced and joyful.

If I really go far and deep into my passions that would be nice. Where would it take me? I know I need to do more things like web development to grow …

I need to see that way. Go do your passions and see where it takes you but also do more WITHOUT the rush and worry of life.

That is why I need to talk to Vietnamese born in Canada because there is no rush and worry. Only parents worry so much including family back home. You really got to put your brain outside of the world of worry.

The thing with worry is the money aspect.

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I understand now …

Why I don’t get donations/money from my software really.

Because I am Canadian and also ‘Vietnamese’ and worked so hard and have some skills and have a drive like this.

As a Vietnamese I don’t have really any problems. As a Southern Vietnamese I am neutral and can do what I want really. Also I can do what I want in Canada really. Therefore no one bugs me really.

But being Vietnamese has people targeting you if you try hard … Naturally some people/groups expect you to do ‘bad’ in their world. Therefore, I have to do my hobbies and ignore some people because that doesn’t make sense as ‘a person’ and is not fair.

You have to grow or else you wither away.

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The sad thing about life …

Yes, it is great to have that $150K+ year job doing something technical and creative. But those ideas usually sells something and makes things too easy. It is quite superficial in that it sells stereotypes and sells negative stereotypes about certain groups sometimes.

As a man and as a man in his 40s, I have to do nice websites for businesses. But also I have to create stuff that makes me so I don’t go downhill thinking about selling myself and selling my soul.

… I am Vietnamese so the negative stereotypes are still fresh even 50 years after the Vietnam War. It will take another 40-50 years before the negative stereotypes go away as Vietnam progresses.

To make great ideas and new innovations requires you to live ‘manly’. I can do that here in Canada. That is why I don’t bother with some people and some groups.

You have to do manly things or their is no morals and no value in life.

I can not listen to just making money and selling my soul.

And so far it paid off. I make software projects that I want that and in return it has gotten me recognized and therefore I can market and advertise. That is probably the most noble thing a man can do without losing his mind and shirt.

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One of the coolest things you find here in Canada is the type of work people might do.

For example, I sometimes browse Facebook Marketplace to buy used goods.

The you find there is some person out of nowhere in Ontario/Quebec selling an item that you want. Very peculiar.

You wonder what kind of work that person does to afford such things.

Then it makes you think. It makes you want to pursue your passions more because definitely that person is using their brain and doing something cool and unique that is true to them and doing more.

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I am working on making websites.

The stress level was so high before that it was unbearable.

But doing it more repeatedly it is become feeling good and better.

I guess you start using tools then slowly move towards 100% customized.

Doing 100% customized is so difficult that you give up. You need practice by using tools. When you have a problem you try to change the code.

OR … you start learning more coding online through tutorials … which is tiring. OR you read documentation and experiment all day at 105% focus.

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The thing about being born in Canada …

You think in the Western narrative which is negative stereotypes towards your people. It is instilled in you at grade 0 and you see it in society.

All you can do is work and ignore it. Keep busy.

But if you live in your cultural community it sometimes is toxic. It is balanced but doesn’t reach further outside like the West.

Therefore all you can do is talk about work and improving yourself and community reaching work goals.

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Sometimes depending on the circumstance and understanding of race and culture, people of color actually do something significant.

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We are allowed to practice our cultures I was told. If you don’t you kind of … feel lost. You need to learn history and interact with similar people to understand and have some kind of baseline otherwise you act chasing Western thinking and are finding yourself.

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It seems like now … it is just working and chasing and reaching for more at my age. Trying to do work in the Western way.