Updates (February 6, 2025)

After saying what I needed, I grew:

• It is important to say how you feel and how things are. To grow as an individual you must state the problems you face. I faced a lot of problems in society growing up and now that I said what I needed to say, I can grow as an individual.
• It is important to grow as an individual and not just be consumed by just “making money” and die. I got to this point where I was studying and learning and working doing web development and found that it is pinnacle. After doing web development the second time and also ruminating and reflecting, I realize this is life. It is just learning hard stuff and working. But more so this is ‘thinking life’ with elbow room. I knew this when I was young. There are some people that are smart that have the space, time and energy to do freeing stuff. Do creative stuff like make games, do hobbies, travel, write, write stories. They socialized and grew up in a supportive environment and now had time to do things other than just work 24/7 in the rat race. They developed so much that they have time to explore, learn and enjoy and get new experiences. It was important for me to socialize with Vietnamese born in Canada to see the Vietnamese-Canadian way of life. It is bigger than my life. It had things to explore and do and had it own life too with gossip, community and things going on. I did not socialize with the Vietnamese community in Canada so I did not develop this part of my life. I was too concerned about working and studying. Vietnamese born in Canada who have made it have their own lives separate from the mainstream news and media. It can be 100 levels deep. That is what I am learning now. It enables you to think bigger and broader and different. My parents do not know this. They lived separate from the Vietnamese community in Toronto and did not want to socialize. The Vietnamese born in Canada have their own culture and own development that fulfills their needs and growth.
• It comes a point of an old man life that there is no turning back no more. It is learning and education and reading and spending time alone doing stuff in a way that fulfills old wise man lifestyle. I can not describe it. It is not really explained in the media or books or in culture. It is what you want to do with yourself when you are old, wise and alone for yourself in life. What you really want in this alone self body of yours after learning about the world so much and getting judged so much by the majority and others. What you expect and want alone now apart from doctors and the everyday people.
• I found that life you had to grow so much that it awakens people. When you have knowledge and skills people feel upset and angry and do biased things. You grow from that. The more you study and improve yourself you get more naysayers. But that is real growth as an individual. That doesn’t happen normally. In intuitions people are expected to act their age and race and gender. It does nothing doing that but makes people sheep and somewhat get along but is so much demeaning. But when you are 35 and lost your youth then this act doesn’t feel good just getting along. I figured now that life needs thinking and knowledge and growth more individually now as what you are doing out socially is nothing really. It just reaffirms the need for growth as it puts you down. Therefore living in your mind and growing is necessary. Especially for newcomers with bad stereotypes coming to the West.
• There is a need for growth outside just work I see now.
• Life after when you mentally peaked is just standing observant. Doing web development and personal projects made things go to this point. That is the way things should go. This is not really taught in schools and in life.
• You really have to do what you want at this point. Teaching and helping others see hobbies, skills, and growth. The naysayers don’t see this as they are young and have not learned individual growth yet. Took me 40+ years to get this.
• Focusing on making products and projects is good and was necessary, but now it is constant growth in doing the more. Keep going.
• It is important to state your present condition and thoughts really. For a guy like me, I am the first generation of Vietnamese for my family doing this. I have to journal, vent and ruminate to grow in the West and see how being born in Canada has affected me and what I will do.

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Do your negative people really understand what they are doing? You aren’t supposed to limit people’s growth. That will limit yours. You are supposed to grow individually at the end. You reach that when you grow.

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I guess life was to reach this point in life where everything is now calm and normal. You grow and grow and hit the limits of work and education. Then all you really see is people who are extremely smart. I am finally calm now. I worked for 40 years growing. But what about other people? Did they reach maturity sooner? I studied lots of maths. Maths is the way. There were naysayers stopping me from learning maths when maths are everything. Interesting life I had.

At the end of the day, it was numbers. The manipulation of numbers to make me stable and mature.

I suppose people know this. It gets murky and this message gets lost while growing up in the West.

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At the end of the day, it was Vietnamese born in the West that understood my life. School, growing up, and jobs. Only Vietnamese born in Canada understand what I feel and went through. I only have Vietnamese born in Canada I guess.

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Hard truths:

• Education is the only way. Only when you have education then you rise and level up and see it’s benefits.

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I always knew something was up when I was in school and teachers did not want to tell the truth about having maths. Maths open the doors to everything. You had to master it. Mastering it in doing something unique was the first step then trying to work and work on something harder then hardest was the trick. Also maths made you really super manly too.