Updates (December 1, 2024)

I guess life is to keep working now pretty active after I worked for 1 month outside.

Also to try to get along with everyone while growing and keeping a sense of identity that is universal.

But the way I act is very, very similar to other Vietnamese who grew up in the West.

I now know 4 Vietnamese people who either grew up in the West or born in Western countries and we all act 90 – 99% similar.

For the 3 men, we all struggle trying to keep our head proud while navigating the mosaic landscape in Canada. Our sense of identity and pride is very in your face just like other people. We act in a way to get respect from others. This is bad mostly because we act different from our “nicer” Vietnamese parents.

We don’t act like our parents who behave in a way that is “Vietnamese from Vietnam”. Vietnamese from Vietnam act in a way that is “below” because we respect others first before ourselves.

But in Canada, there is a lot of direct in your face push to act to demand respect to act accordingly the Western facing way. People born in Canada expect you to act based on the 5000 year Western stereotypes of other races they learned and grew up with. It is really bad if you do though for people labelled negatively.

Because I work with Ben Cybulski and other smart people now, sometimes I go shopping and some people just paint me bad the negative stereotype of Vietnamese they hear in the Western way without any more depth than that because they want power, control and security for themselves. They just paint me bad because they notice something smart about me making them feel lesser.

So after I worked with Ben for the last 8 years, nothing improved outside in the real world because people actually like to categorize people naturally if they feel pressed. This is normal. This way to make themselves the better ones in the game and for control and stability out here in the West.

It does nothing for me out here in the West if I just act according to my race the Western way. Only people on my frequency don’t make me feel bad though. Really old people don’t treat me bad too.

My dad expects me to just act like him though. Hmmm … how can I learn this?

But 99.99999999999999999999999999% people still retain their negative worldview of others until the negative country changes to be modernized and richer.

What do I do? What would you do in my situation?

…

99.999999% of people are maybe tied to their sense of pride and identity. It is connected to their worldview of themselves and their groups.

I met one guy 99.999999% similar to me finally. He is colored and was working at a large grocery store working outside in the cold. We looked at each other and understood our assignment in life as colored people in the West.

I guess this is my life. To be treated this way by others when out in public by young immature people.

Because I get treated so bad, I guess I have to just work in my groups to avoid the negativity until my groups improve to be on par with others. All I have to do is work on myself I guess. Most other people don’t understand and feel what I feel because I was born in Canada and have the Western thinking bias that looks at things negatively but workable. But still negative.

Sense of worth is through intelligence mostly and it is the most important thing. But I work with Ben Cybulski … so I am helped. Others don’t have my same opportunity as me. So intelligence is tied to your frequency and groups??? Especially when you are young and talking about young things. When you are old you don’t care? But you do because being young thinking is a “thing” and shapes everything. “When you are old you are still young”.

…

The power of creation plus creativity is what elevates people. Most people just have the general sense of building and creating stuff. But if you go beyond optimizing and streamlining and tweaking then that is what makes you different in thinking.

This type of thinking can make things and perceptions change about you.

…

People should not care about race but still there are people that do and it is up to you to improve your groups that you are in. You have to act universal and nice and smart and good but at the end people do just label. Most of the time it is neutral labelling but then there are the awful people. This is normal.

…

Also I have the opportunity to change perceptions because I am in my groups. I work with good smart people like Ben Cybulski and others. If you were in my shoes wouldn’t you do something to change negative perceptions of your groups?

…

Quite a bit of time was blogging and ruminating here, but I guess I have to vent and work things through. I am one of the oldest Vietnamese born in the West after the Vietnam War and have the once in the lifetime opportunity to work with my great friends.

You have to improve things though. You have to have a sense of identity to push forward. But you don’t make it these issues, issues. You keep it internal.

…

I guess this is my life though working out in public. I have to accept the negativity while things in Vietnam improve to give myself ‘face’. But I should really improve to the maximum here. It is very fun and good when I had this opportunity to do the things I wanted and worked with Ben though. At least I got the negative backlash showing that I did improve. That is a way to look at things.

Also some people who are broad minded and mature who don’t think it is just Western thinking, look towards different types of thinking. There is some value in different thinking from all groups.

…

It is good to hide away in your room doing the things I am doing. I guess doing what you love and nurturing it is all it takes?

You improve so much and at the end people outside negatively blast you because you are improved. This is normal and expected though.