Updates (August 13, 2024)

Going outside and socializing at middle-age is important. It is different from young adulthood. It is a time to see and reflect.

You can really see people for who they are and meet people at where they are. You see people’s position in the world. You can really judge them as a person. Judge them not good, not bad, really just judge them as a human person with all their flaws and good points. They are grown up now.

Looking old really helps because you are at the point where you are half way gone and you are going slowly away. There is no turning back.

When younger people see you at the declining half point they don’t judge you. You are at your wits end trying to make up lost time and doing things that have significance. It is good.

It is good because you are trying to do good things at the second half of your life.

I guess I needed to reach this half way point to be positive and see life as a slow drain and have a time limit.

When you see older adults acting young it is abysmal. You see it and they see it.

Then you realize life is fun.

I have been spending most of my life trying. I was competitive and learning and reaching for more. But then you realize you are always learning and lacking.

At this point in life, nothing you do is enough and you kind of just accept that that is life. Always learning and lacking.

You meet older people your age who feel the same and find this concept of always learning and lacking and are just are content with this and live in a state of floating between.

You go outside and see people younger than you with all this life experience and you think, I am doing me best and doing life my way but also learn from them.

I guess that is all you can really do as a person. You just do what you like and now take the time to enjoy more a bit.

I guess for people like me, it is just educating yourself to have those degrees first. That is all you can really enjoy and do without the constant interaction of people out in society. Just keep learning and getting your paper degrees and enjoying doing it. I will always be lacking. Just laugh at that and accept it. You make up for it by accepting that and learning from it. And as a mature person you are old and just learn from experiences and float between and act more mature and more mature accepting life is that way.

You accept the broadest picture of Western society but are old and do things kind of your way to have self-esteem and different experiences and thinking to develop and create stuff while constantly learning.

Also all you have really that gives you peace of mind, stay present is doing your hobbies, projects and passions. I guess that is life really. Other immigrants did the same in the past. Study and do their hobbies for that outlet into education, skill and creativity.

After socializing out in public at middle age, it is OK. It is good to get out there but I am old now. Time is spent better doing stuff like your projects and hobbies. That give you growth and expertise and knowledge. You can show your knowledge when out in public and grow more from it when socializing but I find just staying at home the most fun and beneficial. Maybe once in a while go out. Your knowledge, experience and skill really shows in public and socializing. So it is best to learn and do your hobbies and projects to have that specialized knowledge and skill for yourself and out in public. You can actually rely and fallback on your knowledge and skills. You have something to be proud of.

At the end of the day, you are living in the biggest and broadest sense. And at the same time you are alone in this world. So you have to think “big alone”. Especially when you are old and look old. You can not really care too much about what other people say. You eventually figure out time should be spent on you. No one is going to take care of you at the end. You have to take care of yourself and feel good, be able and be smart.

I got really mature. There is nothing new in life really. All I just do is go for coffee, drive around, walk and program. This has been the normal for the last 2 weeks. After working, I see and understand life now. It is to work really/pretty hard (open up your mind really doing the broadest thinking), take the time to really enjoy the coffee break and time driving site seeing, eat healthy meals and don’t overeat. And repeat.

I guess this is what I was expecting. The cycle has been reached.

Everyday is the same really. 95% the same.

I went to the supermarket today. I really tried to absorb the surroundings and people. What is life now at 40? What is life knowing what I know now with all the supports and friends I have in the world?

Well I realize the old fashion way of life is the most important. Education and learning more skills.

People are all riddled with knowledge and specialized knowledge and some people are competitive. Some people don’t care and just live the Western relaxed way.

To focus and refocus is to build something. Engineer something you like and build something really abstract and out there for me. The fine engineering is what makes me tick and feel good and alive. I guess that was all it was. It was engineering and building something far out there.

What problems do I have? What problems do I have in society? I guess you can try to prove yourself and keep going to solve the problems that you face.