When I was young like in elementary school, I figured that higher education was the way into the stars.
When I got to university, it wasn’t what I expected. It was pushy and shovy with other people telling you how to live based on your race. I felt there is systematic racism in university.
I worked outside and self-studied for 13 years after finishing university trying to figure out how to redevelop my interests after studying Life Science to Computer Science.
I kind of thought I could bridge the 3 disciplines (biology, chemistry and computers). But that is all work and no fun.
I looked for a way to work from home because I hated to be treated by my race.
I found out that I could become a Tech Journalist and maybe a Graphic Designer. I could live doing these jobs and it was pretty fun. But I hit a limit as they became rather dull. It was interesting and I was learning but I reached the highest high in those fields. My hobbies when I was young were computers (building and reading magazines) and art so these are natural jobs for me.
I then became a Computer Technician and I loved it. It matched me 110%. There was time to work and time to have fun and relax on the job. I was mesmerized by the hardware and software. Handling computers was magical. I did not know how hardware and software worked. It was entrancing. I was just plugging things in and Googling for solutions. Fun and dumb. There was a balance perfect for me.
But my boss at the computer repair store told me to go further into higher education.
Once I learned to create software AND create software that no one was willing to do I knew I made it. Let me explain. The software I create is unique. I am conditioned to create software that no one has done before because that is what is left to do that I learned over the years.
Creating software is almost limitless which gives me the freedom and the ‘will to live’. I will explain. I feel trapped and constricted in biology and chemistry. There is physics surrounding that. I hate physics and limits. Like there are physical limits.
In software you can add as many variables and code until your program works. There are many ways to build things whatever you please. Well you should write clean efficient code but writing working code is what matters.
I found people are the biggest limits in my life so I avoid people who paint me one way and set restrictions on me. I am trying to do something new and different by building software in new territory. What else is there? I reached my limits in other fields. You have to try new uncharted territory because you are also a unique creature.
Sense of Self
I am trained and conditioned to do what I am doing. I had no choice but to do it. There is no real freewill.
It’s nothing special. You need to do something different to satisfy yourself.
I am old and have done enough to understand life now. I used to copy other people’s ideas and make them better, but after a while, you mature and create your own unique things. It’s a natural process of growing up to be unique and different. It is not better or worse. Nothing to compare.
In some work areas, you can find things to do. You can try to find solutions to open problems. It only works if you have 150% passion and interest in the field.
You may need a mentor or help to develop your solution but both of you must be 150% interested in the goal and the journey.
Do you remember when you were a child and your kind teachers told you that it’s who you are inside that is worth it? Develop a good character inside?
Mom tries to teach me to just think and separate myself from my body. But the only area where I can do this is in computer programming. In computer programming, you don’t think about the physical world at all.