Updates (January 16, 2024)

Work: Be more plastic and be more free thinking – You have to be so creative to be anything at the end.

Culture: Keep being a creative my way – I was chasing Western capitalistic and developmental goals. That makes me tired and uninterested at my age. Doing stuff I like zoned out in my room is the only thing that makes me feel great and willing. Like I found out later, programming is like a super power. But it is very draining in a good way and out there. Can I live more like a Vietnamese like my parents? I am spending all this time ‘updating’ the major software on the websites. It is great doing something different. What do I do now? I just updated 4 pieces of software this month. Hmmm… Doing your own software with the team is great. Very high psychological reward being so different. Being so different and trying to be more different is what makes me keep happy. My team helps me stay doing things differently. I don’t want to chase Western capitalistic and developmental goals as that will be stressful trying to please everyone. I guess I will keep being creative combining teaching elements to the software I create with the team for now. Do I look and act like myself? Do I look like a creative person? Does looking Vietnamese have anything to do with me? I guess you act according to the environment you are in. It is too stressful to do something else. My life is pretty good I guess for now. I will keep this up and see where it takes me. Keep learning and doing what I want all day for the next while. I feel people when they reach a certain age and experience, they want to be solo creatives too. I am growing do this. I am growing at a different angle that will give me the knowledge and skills too. I think you have to at this point as it will be specialized, different and might give you a vantage point.

Work: Can all your day be consumed with your work and yourself – I think it is really healthy and happy being totally consumed by “your work” especially at my age and focused on yourself. LOL I look like a old middle-aged man now LOL. I have to keep working on my craft as it awkward not to work on your craft. I can not hang around like a young adult no more as I feel older and it looks sooooo awkward. It is definitely exciting to create something new and your own. It might define you or help define you. If I did not keep working on my craft (my passion), I am pretty sure I would be simple minded and 2-dimensional. Can you really talk about everyday things all day? Can you really talk about normal things? It is a reliever to talk normal and broad and reflective. What I am doing I think is really healthy as a man. I guess a man is defined by his work. So more of your creative passions are needed as an older man to feel good and healthy and normal at older age. You have to do your own thing. After exploring and learning about the world and other people, you have to do something unique and different because you should be unique and different at a certain age. Right??? I reached that stage. It feels nice, mature and different to not conform and not be just another worker bee. Many young and immature people just want everything and everyone to conform into mainstream culture. Why? To fit whose narrative? The mainstream narrative gets uninteresting as you get older. I will continue to do my things. It is healthy. Being so different is a relief and mature.

Life: Do people think different at middle-age – I do kind of think the same like a young adult but I have some skills and accomplishments now and am more layered. The younger crowd are interested of working that corporate job and making over $150,000 a year salary. The younger crowd are so insistent on working with the mainstream culture to work off of and employ it. What do I do now at middle-age? Try to work the 9-5? Or can I try to find a way to grow my interests and hopefully make money doing it?

Work: From computer technician to computer programmer – I am becoming more of a computer programmer. After almost 4 years I am doing it often. When I read the quote of computer programming was like a super power it made sense. What are we doing here on this earth? We need control. We need some control over our lives. We need some power? Will computer programming give us all we need once we have learned it? How many years of computer programming until you feel its benefits? I say 4 years.

Work: Why I am scared to do computer programming 9-5 – I am afraid of 3 things working as a programmer for a company. 1. I will lose time developing solo and team projects. 2. I will be forced to learn all technologies causing stress and discomfort. I would have to learn web development which is too hard and not fun. 3. Ass kissing. I am old now so the 9-5 of ass kissing feels distasteful. I won’t have time to grow personally. I will keep learning and growing to see where it takes me. I think I have this opportunity to do this. I am so old now, like half dead, that I can not live for other people no more. I don’t ass kiss the boss. I live in Canada. This part of the world is for creativity and freedom. Some people don’t see it that way for some reason. They are probably too young and immature.

Life: Do not care no more what other people think – After socializing for a while which helped me and grew me. And also getting physically old, I don’t care what people really think no more. I am OLD lol. I have matured to a point where I can say and do what I want. It took years of learning, experiences and goal achievements to reach this point. If I did not have my Vietnamese-Western friends, I would have not reached this point in life. People who are in the mainstream culture are so pushy and opinionated thinking what they are a part of is the only right way. As a old person and a smaller minority, I can observe from a distance and objective even mainstream culture and peoples I think. Do your own thing regardless of what people say or ask of you. If you keep pushing and developing your voice, you might come up with a different view worth exploring that adds to what is out there. Even other people might objectify your voice and criticize it. But again you must keep developing and keep pushing your voice to do so and show something tangible. How far do you keep pushing and developing your voice? I suppose more developments can arise from it from keeping pushing and developing it. More stuff is good. More different stuff? Can you criticize something like this? Would your criticism be shallow or full depth? Will it be good or bad? Are we focusing on the good things or bad things of self mature old age development?

Life: Talking to doctors – Him I am finally growing more and more from socializing with everyone. But especially when I am trying to pick the brains of doctors. As a Vietnamese minority I am not in the mainstream culture. Talking to doctors I see how some groups are accepted into mainstream over the centuries of living here in North America.